Desperate & Jobless.

Sad news this week, with Stuff running a story on how poor old David Bain can’t seem to find work, now that he’s a free man.

The reason, according to Auckland defence lawyer Peter Williams QC, is simple; Bain would be suffering from the stigma experienced by ex-prisoners re-entering the workplace. "There's obviously a very strong prejudice against people who can say their recent CV was inside prison" he reckons.

Perhaps.

Or maybe it’s just that for every man who sees Bain as the BFG there’s one who worries that even if he did employ him he might just turn up early to work one morning wearing a green jersey, white gloves, socks and brandishing a .22 rifle with a silencer.

I for one sympathise because I more than most know how the stigma from your past can affect your job prospects. When I got back from ‘Nam nobody wanted to offer me a job, not until I stopped wearing the camo and even then, only after I relinquished my M16 and bush knife.

My first job back was in the Asian food market which lasted all of three minutes. It was just too soon for me, too damn soon.

But eventually I learnt to bottle my rage and gain meaningful employment. So all slaughtered family jokes aside we are quite the resourceful lot here at ClubDes and we reckon we can offer Bain the following options:

1. He could work at MurderBurger.
2. Or pick up a paper run.
3. Maybe turn to stand up and be the guy who put the ‘laughter’ into manslaughter?
4. How about the homespun section at Spotlight?
5. He could write a book about he didn’t do it, then one about how he thinks he knows who did and then finally, in association with Kelvin Quickwank, how the dead have connected with him and forgiven him (for not doing it).