Wake Me Up When December Ends

Three days into the Christmas holidays and already I’m bored shitless.

That can’t be right can it? What’s even more concerning is that I’ve started drinking earlier and earlier into the day to get through the boredom. Yes, I’m turning into one of 'those' Dads. Now that really can’t be right.

I’ve tried alleviating the monotony. I broke the habit of a lifetime and ventured out amongst the Bollocks Day sales and as suspected, it was a complete shit fight. All about nothing really because most retailers weren’t offering much more discounts than they had been before Chrissy but we buy it every year don’t we? Hook, line and sucker.

Junior wanted an iPad which, no one stops to tell you, is completely useless if you don’t have a PC or laptop to kick it off on. Apple is making a mint on these things of course, especially as they’re making them interchangeable and compatible only with their other products. Smart move that. Of course Apple stuff is never reduced in price, even when everything else around it is....

Its times like this I’m tempted to take advantage of sales and update the wardrobe, but there’s some things I just don’t seem to get, like shirts that have a tee shirt sewn into them. It’s almost as if they don’t think you’ll know how to dress yourself so they sew another layer into it. Or sleeves that are already rolled up for you...it’s hardly the stuff of engineering marvel is it, the rolled up sleeve?

It reminds me of a guy I used to work with at Hallensteins, back in the day. We all took turns dressing the mannequins in the shop which was a relatively mundane task because each week head office sent photos and clear instructions on how each one should look. Creativity was never a problem, shall we say.

Except when Antonio got his hands on them. He liked to layer everything because layering was his thing and this was before anyone even knew what the hell layering was. And he wouldn’t just use the odd tee shirt or two, if he could get 16 different colours under one shirt he would.

Which just fucked it up for everyone really because whilst he was doing his Queer Eye for the Straight Guy thing the rest of us would be doing menial tasks like serving the customers, or stripping down mannequins to find the last Large tee shirt he had used on one of them.

He was a top guy was Ants. Later, after I had left, he developed some pretty serious back issues that meant he couldn’t work for months. His girlfriend of about ten years and High School sweetheart took time of work to nurse him back to full fitness as he was laid flat out for most of the time. He thanked her by running off with some 17 year old part timer when he finally did get back to work.

I think the whole under tee and rolled up sleeve thing rarks me on two levels; the whole presumption that I am so simple I couldn’t possibly know how to do either and I just have a problem with being told shit that is obvious.

Like ads and promotions that try and tell me what being a New Zealander is all about. I’ve lived here all my life, I bloody know already. Those fresh of the boat might not but what the hell are they doing watching TV anyway?

So needless to say I didn’t buy anything which is a good thing because I can spend the money on beer, which I seem to be getting through a lot of these days...

Wake me up when December ends will you? Cheers.