The Fat Of The Land

Obesity is such a dirty word these days you can almost see the grease dripping off it. Many years ago, when the majority of the population weren’t fatty fatty boom booms, obesity was a clinical word that no one really used because very few of us came close to being obese. Now it’s like saying someone is Caucasian or dark skinned: “Oh you can’t miss Dave, he’s got brown hair, is obese and wears short shorts. The ones with the slits up the side…”

Now there’s more theories on just how people become obese than there are anuses in the world - and that’s a lot. I’m not about to launch into a deep and meaningful essay on the physiology of genetic obesity because I am not qualified to be that boring.

The crux of the problem as I observe it, is that obese people eat too much crap food and do too little quality exercise. Which, if you’re an adult is your prerogative, but when you see it happening to children, then you quite rightly look at their parents and ask “What the hell are you doing to your kids?!”

Incidentally, I have termed a new phrase which I call Parental Vacancy. It is a mindset that is developed easily and in fact, a lot of parents do it so well that they’re now actually over qualified. For those wanting to partake, simply do nothing. Because that’s how it works! NB: I will quite possibly explore this bit of ground breaking philosophy in a later blog, as I need to make up more of the details!

Here is the method of a classic Parental Vacant (PV) when it comes to guarding the calorie intake of their child:

“I work long hours because I get paid so little. I come home so tired that I let my children watch cartoons and play their video games whilst I prepare cheap and easy food that has very little nutrional value.(Repeat for every meal because PV is busy all day either preparing for, or winding down from, work). When we do the weekly grocery shop, I let my kids choose their food because they know what they like and they get the stuff in a green wrapper – because that makes it healthy.”

Which all sounds about as solid as you know that kid's stool is going to be thanks to all the fat and sugar inside the stuff in the green wrapper.

How’s this for a theory? Calories are cheap, exercising is expensive.

Perversely the gym fraternity help aide the obesity issue by making exercise expensive. No really. How much does your gym membership cost per week? Could what you do at the gym not be replicated with a few free circuits around the local park? Could you Roid Ragers who join a gym in order to bench press a small car, not invest in a set of home weights? Surely the initial outlay will recoup itself in the long term? Why do those gyms keep charging so much? Because you lot keep paying it. Being seen at the gym it seems, is far more valuable than what you do there.

This doesn’t help Tubbs sitting at home on the couch watching Cartoon Network. But he’s in the same boat, because playing any sort of organised sport these days is expensive and if Mum, Dad or the chain smoking nanny is too tired to take them outside to a park / playground / pool, what chance do they have? Organisations that run organised events charge the earth because they can. The alternative is free, but enough of us ain’t buying it.

Here in NZ the Government is trying to ban food advertising aimed at children from all after school TV. It’s a good start, but not nearly enough parents are vocally supporting them and we should be because the subliminal message that this advertising implants in a child’s mind is as good as anything McDonalds rustles up with their Paedophile clown. Throw in a parent taking no notice of the nutrional value of what their kids choose at the supermarket and that expensive cartoon advertising campaign that showed the sugar bar in a green wrapper? It just paid for itself.

Parents - engage your children and make the time to keep them active. It will be good for all of you if you do. Take an interest in what they eat and look at the food you shove down their throats as an investment in their future, not a chore. Be alert at the supermarket and put those reading skills of yours to action. Don’t buy stuff simply because it’s a green wrapper. Buy milk, not cheap sugared water. Don't pay for expensive sporting organisations because you think it's the only option, because it isn't. Hey, your parents did it with you and you turned out okay, right?

Unless you’re Dave in the short shorts. But there is no excuse for the slits up the side. You can't blame your parents for that.