My god, Africa appears to be a country that is content to two girl one cup all over itself doesn’t it? Admittedly, I base this assumption solely from the footage I see on the news each night, which, as I would be the first to tell you, is no way to form an opinion, but in this particular instance I don’t think I’m far from the truth.
I’m sure it has its beauty and its good bits and friends who have been there assure me it does, but most of it seems to be in utter chaos right now and has been for some time. If only there was oil in them thar hills and we could all relax as George Dubya rode on in to rescue the poor bastards from themselves. Perhaps some shit stirrer of a country could sell Kenya or Zimbabwae some nuclear weapons and start the ball rolling? You can bet if they did the Yanks would be in like white on rice.
Still, nothing like a bit of genocide to keep the worlds ever increasing population down aye? Corruption plays a big part we’re told. No doubt. Can’t be any worse than the day my good mate Sully and I ran a football World Cup sweepstake at work and fiddled it like a five year old.
Things were going great until we had dished out the winnings - of which we were both recipients - and this one bird asked us to double check the results because she felt she too deserved a cut of the winnings. Turns out she did. We had genuinely overlooked her entry when tallying the results first time round. So being the stand up guys we were, we did the only thing any organiser in our place would do and threw away her entry, claiming no knowledge of having ever received it. Needless to say it all went down like a peanut laden stool and we were never again to run a sweepstake at work. Not one that she was part of anyway.
Racism is an emotive word isn’t it? It’s right up there with ‘abortion’ and ‘religion’ on the list of great party starters. But have you ever noticed how racism doesn’t seem to be such a defined form of bigotry anymore? In general society, with the diversity of the population today, racism has almost gone mainstream. Shows like BroTown have made it okay for Coconuts to poke fun at dumb Maoris, who in turn poke fun at crazy Asians who in turn dump on cheeky Honkys. It might be funny on TV – which it isn’t because BroTown is actually quite stink – but is it still funny when 10 year olds are doing it in the playground because they saw it on the telly? Probably.
The Australian cricket team got their panties in a twist this week because one of the turbaned Indian players allegedly called their token Abo ‘a monkey’, which is hardly groundbreaking stuff when comparing racist taunts I would have thought. Actually it is borderline lame when compared to something like, oh I dunno, ‘you curry munching fuckwit’ for example.
It’s a bit rich of the Aussies too, the biggest potty mouths in world cricket to start playing the ‘our shit don’t stink’ card because they got a bit of their own back. How they understood what the guy was saying is beyond me anyway, even if he was speaking English. I have trouble making out what the guy down at my local dairy says when he’s asking for my money and that’s even after I’ve read the price tag! Those crafty Indians got their own back though after throwing a tanty and having the West Indian umpire kicked out of the next game. Probably because he was black.
What gets on my moobs though, aside from some prick at working leaving crusty tomato coloured jizz all over the shared toastie maker, is what I like to call reverse racism.
Actually I suspect it's the same bastard who left the sweaty bum crack poo stain on the toilet seat, that I couldn’t help but notice as I made my way to the men’s after deciding against toasted sammies for lunch. It’s all class at my work I tell you. But then I shouldn’t really be surprised by such things, at least not since the day I noticed the regular appearance of an unfeasibly large number of manpubes in the hand basins every morning. I swear someone is washing their chopper in the sinks. Reminds me of a place I used to work where the Indian / Pakistani / Sri Lankian guys would wash their hands before taking a whizz, but not after. Nice one fellas. Why don’t I just hold it for you whilst you pee – that way you don’t have to waste time rinsing and I don’t have to worry about door handles?
Reverse racism is when one side plays the racism card when it affects them but gets away with pulling the same shit when it doesn’t. Some Maori are great at this. Like the Iwi in Greymouth who decided to hack down the town’s war memorials at the very sociable time of 6am in the morning and dump them out the back of some farm in the wops. They had good reason mind you; they wanted to make room for a shop.
The town is understandably pissed and so should everyone, regardless of colour, who had family members serve and die in any armed conflict overseas. You can bet if I chopped down a tribal anything on my property I would have a Hikoi of large, spectacularly tattooed individuals on my doorstep quicker that you could say “you cheeky bloody pakeha”.
And yet it doesn’t work the other way? Must be because I’m black.
No comments:
Post a Comment