The TVNZ boys and girls must have got their hands on some good stuff recently because just look at the promo line they came up with after their last big toke sesh:
“Shortland Street. Love the feeling”.
What the..? Love the feeling of what exactly? Now I love the feeling of several things, most of which occur whilst in or around the toilet so I’m struggling to make the connection – unless it’s their way of saying the show is shit? I did once have a good feeling towards Shorters but that was because it was ending. Loved that feeling!
But this is just the tip of the iceberg - which is also what the guy said to the doctor after revealing to him that he had lettuce leaves sticking out of his orse. Have you been sucked into the High Definition (HD) revolution yet? Have ya? Freeview and Sky are trumpeting the arrival of HD as if it were bigger than a cure for cancer, but it’s going to take more than a few digitally enhanced slow motion sport ads to get me to ‘suck it and see’.
Funny how slow mo’s in porn movies is something that never really caught on? Shame really because it works so well in sports and they are both contact activities. Anyhoo.
HD TV supposedly yields a better-quality image than standard television because it has a greater number of lines of resolution. Maybe it does, but I’m not really having problems seeing the old lines on our present TV and we are just talking about TV here, not exploratory surgery, so I reckon so long as I can read crappy tag lines like ‘Love the Feeling’ then I don’t think I really need further clarity, do I?
Here is what HD TV means in real terms to the good folk at Freeview and Sky TV; it means you will pay more for a picture that you might think looks better but you really won’t be able to tell the difference. Despite this, you will tell your mates it rocks anyway because you bought the new $100 box that decrypts the signal and now pay an extra $10 a week to help you love the feeling and you don’t want to let on that ‘the feeling’ is actually Sky TVs dirty hand down your pants twisting a fistful of your curlies.
And so your mates will sit in your lounge trying to pick the difference your awesome HD signal gives on your mega flat screen LCD TV (that supposedly gives an image as clear as ice anyway) but really won’t find any to that of their similar setup at home and will inevitably remember the last time you let them down like this; that one time back in your single days when you said your latest girlfriend was really hot and it turned out she wasn’t. She was a bogan, from Wanganui and that’s when you learnt the lesson that being ‘up for anything’ doesn’t always equate to being hot.
Another supposed plus of HD is that digital television requires less bandwidth if sufficient video compression is used. No doubt, but I bet your Sky box carks it once a week like it does now even after you’ve bought the new one. Love that feeling! Especially when it’s right in the middle of your favorite show! And lets be honest, we in New Zealand are hardily one to start waving our bandwidth capacity around because in that particular changing room we’re the boy who showers with his undies on and gets dressed behind a towel.
This all reminds me of the time CDs were coming out and all the excitable folk got carried away and started saying that all those cassette tapes had started the AIDs virus. Or was that monkeys? Then DVDs got you all moist at the very thought of no more crusty old video tapes, but still you were torn between keeping the old pornos you had on VHS or upgrading. Thankfully the bad tracking midway through the first root made your mind up for you. Now it’s HD’s turn to play the easy girlfriend from Wangas and tomorrow it’s BluRay. Don’t even get me started on BluRay. The guy who makes all the blue DVD cases must love the feeling of BluRay right about now aye?
Yep, if you’re a conspiracy theorist then HD should be right on your list. Right up their with those pricks at Sony who should be just about ready to push the big red button they have in their Tokyo head office that switches off all the remaining Play station Two’s in the world meaning that whether I like it or not, I will have to buy a PS3 which surprise surprise, is BluRay compatible. Geez, picked that one like a broken nose now didn’t I?!
Shafted by Sony. Love the feeling.
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