Tell It Like It Really Is, Ronald.

Why don't McDonalds ads tell it like it really is?

It has been a long time since anyone that has served me at a McDonalds has been genuinely pleased to see me or been able to transpond my order into the till without stuffing it up at least once.

Despite being purveyors of 'fast food' the delivery of my food is anything but and I will eventually be directed by the kid behind the counter to stand in some non existent queue which will confuse everybody, just so that he can stuff up the order of the lady behind me.

There I'll wait till the other guy who is not smart enough to operate the magical till only read it, figures out the bag getting cold in his hand is for me. When I do finally get to sit down you can bet that I'm going to be disappointed that my food doesn't look anything like it did on the posters. Because it always looks so good on the posters.

Once seated I'm more likely to be pissed that my order is missing something than I am to be orgasmicly ecstatic at the thought of taking my first bite, which, despite my eternal hoping otherwise, will be decidedly average.

Ill be tempted to go and get the item my order is missing but the sight of several densely packed queues and the very prospect of confusing the members of Mensa behind the counter once more means that I won't.

I'll just finish my cold chips, but not my Coke which after just five minutes is ninety percent water thanks to either the way they mix it or the mountain of ice that goes in each cup. Possibly both. I would usually ask for no ice in places like this but again, I don't want to challenege the gifted behind the counter.

I’ll lament the apple pie I won't taste this visit and wonder just why it is that I wasted ten dollars on this rubbish. Again.

Now that is the McDonalds we know and love.

Someone should have them up for false advertising.