Surprisingly the book sits atop the non-fiction charts this week which either shows that Cruickshank and Bullshit has a lot of fans, or it’s been an exceedingly slow week in the world of non-fiction. I suspect it's the latter but either way Cruickshank is probably wearing a cheesy smile as big as the one he has on the cover of the book; each copy costs $45 and you don't have to be clairvoyant to solve this rape case.
Now the loose translation of the term 'non-fiction' is that it's true and / or that it depicts events that actually happened. Yes, Cruickshank’s book is an autobiography, of sorts, but it tells the story (and it is a story) of "his earliest physic experiences and his struggles to accept his gift". A gift lets not forget, that is yet to be scientifically proven actually exists, so how the hell does his $45 cash cow make it into the non-fiction category?
Well lets be honest, if The Da Vinci Code can make that list, so can my yet to be published memoirs of Vietnam. Unlike Cruickshank I won't use my real name, preferring instead to use my non de plume Heywood. Heywood Yablowme.
Cruickshank’s blurb continues on about how his $45 enema contains recollections of the "amazingly accurate communications he has shared with believers and skeptics alike". I wonder if Cruikshank’s recollections differ from those people he’s listed. It's his side of the story after all and hey, if you really want to dispute his telling of it then you're first going to have to shell out $45 to read his version. Even if you were to find out that what he said you said wasn't really said at all, he still wins! The fucker. He saw that coming, because he’s a medium. You didn’t, because you’re a tit.
Isn't it funny how "special guys" like Cruickshank who have "special gifts" charge shitloads to share it? It's almost as if they don't want to share it at all. If I had the ability to solve unsolved cases I would give up everything to travel the world helping Police lock up the killers of the world and end the heartache for the families who lost loved ones to the bastards. If I was actually any good at it and my information actually led to arrests and closure of cases - something that Cruickshank or any of his like have yet to achieve anywhere in the world - then people would pay for me to do so.
I wouldn't need to write novels that have about as much factual content as the Mr Men series of books. I wouldn't need to charge $70 for the DVD of the scripted, post produced TV series that is as much reality television as is The Hills. You can even buy a Cruickshank tee shirt for $50, or pay a couple of grand to take a spiritual tour of Ayers Rock with him. You don’t get the tee shirt for free if you do, its still $50.
You see so called psychics don't actually have jobs, they spend their days rehearsing the act that is being a ‘physic’ and they have to make ends meet somehow. If you're silly enough to pay to see them live or buy the DVD you're doing nothing more than pay for a show, containing performers who like actors have learnt their lines and wait for their cues.
Further into Cruickshank’s book blurb it lists how he struggled with his 'gift' until nine years ago when he had a breakdown and finally accepted he was 'special'. Here’s what I think actually happened nine years ago; Cruickshank realised he could make a lot of money pretending to see dead people. All he had to do was learn a whole bunch of names that were common 50 years ago and learn how to use the power of suggestion when 'questioning' people.
Walking In Light? Wanking you in the dark more like.
Brilliant.
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