Damn you and your new song which I tried so very hard not to like.
But you got me again with your catchy lyrics, your sun swept video and that strangely alluring effeminate way you carry yourself. Not to mention that mouth of yours that looks big enough to hold a couple of balls in it.
I’ve since bought it off iTunes, dammit, but I nearly didn’t because I’m almost sure I can make out that somewhere in the back ground, some poof (other than you) is playing a ukulele. Which has to be the most deeply disturbing trend in music these days. Or as my mate Marco put it so aptly “Ukuleles. What’s up with that shit?”
Ukuleles are right up there with surfers who then go on to be musicians in my big book of things that fuck me right off.
As are clowns who decide to take over the stereo at small intimate gatherings and play some reggae dub step rubbish that you’re most likely to hear blaring out of cars in the Coromandel. Not cool bro, not cool.
Now I admit that guys like Jack Johnson probably sound awesome playing their out of tune guitars when everyone is huddled around the camp fire, high on sea water, surfboard wax and whatever it is they’re all smoking but lets face it, who wouldn’t aye? Even Blunt and his lose-the-will-to-live-when-you-hear-it numbers about being somebodies lover would rock that particular party.
There’s just one thing I can’t get my head around regarding James Blunt and that’s the fact he was in the army for six years, as a Captain no less. He saw action in Kosovo and even stood guard at the coffin of the Queen Mum when she carked it in 2002. So at some point the guy had some semblance of an impressive life before he started singing about perving at strange girls on the train.
Knowing that makes me wonder what it was like serving with the guy. Did the other Captains wake each morning to find him serenading them, naked, from the end of his bed in the Officers Mess? Nakedness, by the way, is acceptable during wartime. Incidentally no one worries about trivial things like the size of your cock when there’s every chance you’ll be dead by bed time.
Did he sing to them whilst in the communal showers and in those poignant, quiet moments that always inevitably arise in times of conflict, did he try out new numbers on the troops and if so, what did they make I wonder, of the lyric ‘three wise men having a semi by the sea’…
Speaking of strange girls; I have this moral dilemma I feel I should share with the group.
Most days I drive past a not unattractive young, solo Mum struggling to make her way up the Mount Kilimanjaro that is our hill, pushing bubs in his / her pram. Often, depending on the weather which lets face it, in Wellington is usually shit, I contemplate stopping and offering her a lift.
Which I could easily do because I’m usually alone, drive a big booted passion wagon with plenty of room for a pram and usually have a car seat for when we pick up the niece. But the thing that stops me every time is the thought that it’s a fine line between being a well meaning guy and a well organised sexual deviant, at least in her eyes. So I don’t.
Ah well. At least the thought is there I suppose. She probably wouldn’t get in when she heard the ukuleles pumping out of the iPod anyway.
Damn you James Blunt.
But you got me again with your catchy lyrics, your sun swept video and that strangely alluring effeminate way you carry yourself. Not to mention that mouth of yours that looks big enough to hold a couple of balls in it.
I’ve since bought it off iTunes, dammit, but I nearly didn’t because I’m almost sure I can make out that somewhere in the back ground, some poof (other than you) is playing a ukulele. Which has to be the most deeply disturbing trend in music these days. Or as my mate Marco put it so aptly “Ukuleles. What’s up with that shit?”
Ukuleles are right up there with surfers who then go on to be musicians in my big book of things that fuck me right off.
As are clowns who decide to take over the stereo at small intimate gatherings and play some reggae dub step rubbish that you’re most likely to hear blaring out of cars in the Coromandel. Not cool bro, not cool.
Now I admit that guys like Jack Johnson probably sound awesome playing their out of tune guitars when everyone is huddled around the camp fire, high on sea water, surfboard wax and whatever it is they’re all smoking but lets face it, who wouldn’t aye? Even Blunt and his lose-the-will-to-live-when-you-hear-it numbers about being somebodies lover would rock that particular party.
There’s just one thing I can’t get my head around regarding James Blunt and that’s the fact he was in the army for six years, as a Captain no less. He saw action in Kosovo and even stood guard at the coffin of the Queen Mum when she carked it in 2002. So at some point the guy had some semblance of an impressive life before he started singing about perving at strange girls on the train.
Knowing that makes me wonder what it was like serving with the guy. Did the other Captains wake each morning to find him serenading them, naked, from the end of his bed in the Officers Mess? Nakedness, by the way, is acceptable during wartime. Incidentally no one worries about trivial things like the size of your cock when there’s every chance you’ll be dead by bed time.
Did he sing to them whilst in the communal showers and in those poignant, quiet moments that always inevitably arise in times of conflict, did he try out new numbers on the troops and if so, what did they make I wonder, of the lyric ‘three wise men having a semi by the sea’…
Speaking of strange girls; I have this moral dilemma I feel I should share with the group.
Most days I drive past a not unattractive young, solo Mum struggling to make her way up the Mount Kilimanjaro that is our hill, pushing bubs in his / her pram. Often, depending on the weather which lets face it, in Wellington is usually shit, I contemplate stopping and offering her a lift.
Which I could easily do because I’m usually alone, drive a big booted passion wagon with plenty of room for a pram and usually have a car seat for when we pick up the niece. But the thing that stops me every time is the thought that it’s a fine line between being a well meaning guy and a well organised sexual deviant, at least in her eyes. So I don’t.
Ah well. At least the thought is there I suppose. She probably wouldn’t get in when she heard the ukuleles pumping out of the iPod anyway.
Damn you James Blunt.
....and he's such a funny looking little thing.
ReplyDeleteWisemen came out when the 3 Rotorua cops were facing 1 of their many rape charges. I found the lyrics rather relevant.