What Not To Wear On The Premises

We don’t have a dress code here at ClubDes par se, anything goes as long as you don’t make a complete Muppet, or tit of yourself and even then we'll let it pass if it's hilarious, but standards have been slipping and something needs to be said.

I’ve lamented many times before the disconcerting trends that are creeping into men’s fashion but I fell I need to reiterate these given that it seems these same issues are now impacting on the last bastion of homo-eroticism we have; sport.

Take these geezers, the Team Leopard-Trek cycling team who all appeared on stage in front of the world’s media at their team launch wearing shabby looking suits and scarves. Yes, scarves.

Scarves are things you wear when a) it’s cold outside and, or b) you’re off to support the team at the stadium. Sadly, more and more dudes are wearing scarves that are neither warm nor supportive with all manner of garments for all manner of occasions and it’s deeply disturbing. Have they never heard of ties?

These guys spent the whole time looking uncomfortable and I don’t blame them, they look like poofs. They are, after all, top cyclists, who are more accustomed to wearing outfits that are tight, revealing (sometimes both) and in the case of guys with pony tails have fooled many a young man into the slow car follow from behind thinking that ‘that chick has one hell of a set of legs on her’.

Off the sports field there is the Arabic variation of the scarf which I like to call ‘terrorist chic’:

Now there’s only one dude who can pull this kind of look off and its Corporal Willie Apiata in downtown Kabul, because let’s be honest, the man has ‘kick-ass’ written all over him.

But the padded gusset wearers of world cycling are not alone. Footballers, at least the fruity continental ones, have taken to wearing this, a scarf cum neck ring called a ‘snood’ which sounds as ridiculous as the players who sport them look:

The reasoning is that it prevents neck injuries bought on by the cold weather. Like what, whiplash?

In my day if your neck was cold you did one of two things; put your collar up which no one but the guy who loved himself a little too much did anyway or, you opened a big can of harden the fuck up and just got on with it.

Not satisfied with being quite possibly the ugliest man in world football, Argentinian Carlos Tevez not only sports the snood but has since taken to his with some scissors to prove that he is right hard ponce. Clearly he fancies the snood, but likes his circumcised:

Lastly and not sports related but equally of concern, is the current trend of young men wearing tight, knee length jean shorts. Where the hell did that come from? Lads, for the sake of you gnads, please leave some sag around the bag and let’s get away, real sharpish, of this trend to wear shit tight.

Because the next thing you know you’ll be pulling on your sisters / girlfriends / Mums cut-offs and that definitely is not what to wear, not in this establishment.

You have been warned.