The Auto Reply

One of the big disappointments I now find in this day and age of the social network is when you can’t instantly see a picture of the person you are conversing with, like when you receive an email from someone who is new to you.

Usually this takes place in the constraints of the work environment where it might not be possible for you to access the likes of Stalkbook and begin a life long infatuation with your new found correspondence.

I don’t, incidentally. Oh sure, sometimes I will print off profile pics and put them up on the wall in the spare room that no one is allowed to go into ever, but there’s nothing wrong with that, right?

But how long will it be do you think before it becomes the norm de rigueur that we do send more than just a cheery disposition and fancy signatures to each other?

I for one can not wait so I’m starting the ball rolling this week by initiating this auto reply which will be sent to selected new contacts:

Thank you for contacting me. As my reply to your email counts as official company business and I believe that through the use of smiley icons and colourful text that you may in fact be quite hot, please understand that I cannot reply until you have supplied me a recent photo as proof of identity.

Photos of you at the beach, intoxicated and baring a little too much skin, or posing in the bathroom mirror will be accepted and only ever circulated amongst a select few colleagues.

Please also note that this reply cannot be construed as a reply until said photo has been supplied and should not be considered as such.

This organisation is an equal opportunity replier and even if you turn out to be a BOBFOC (Body off Baywatch, Face off Crimewatch) you may receive a reply.

But only if you promise to talk filthy to me.