Slot My Overhang

From: Almo
Sent: Wednesday, 25 January 2012 15:36
To: ClubDes; Chef
Subject: Training and Process moves to the front in 2012

Kia Ora,

I have a couple of items on my list which are processes which I want to move at some stage this year. I have listed these below.

• Completion of text support and procedures
• Messaging support and procedures
• Telco request support and procedures

You may very well note that some of these are overhanging from last year that I didn’t manage to complete then. So what I wanted to do was canvas what the training schedule is looking like so we can slot these items in. Then I can start trying to work to these dates.

Nga Mihi,

Alan

From: ClubDes
Sent: Wednesday, 25 January 2012 15:42
To: Almo; Chef
Subject: RE: Training and Process moves to the front in 2012

您大同性戀同性戀

Thank you for your very cultural greeting.

I shall leave the canvassing to Chef and will occasionally slot my overhang in through the door. Please show me your date.

美好的 一天，你針鋒 相對
ClubDes

Living The Dream (Again)

One of the many perks of working where I do is that I get to see the kind of things everyday that you wouldn't unless you a) decided to go all David Bain on your workmates or b) whacked yourself up a meth lab in the garage.

It is the stuff of a boys wet dream but sometimes I can get a little get carried away with living in it...

From: Brian
Sent: Wednesday, 13 July 2011 12:40
To: Everyone

Subject: Helicopter Exercise Thursday 14 July 2011

In the interest of 'safety' staff are asked to remain off the playing field south between the hours of 7.30am and 1pm due to a Police AOS exercise taking place, involving an Air Force helicopter,

There will be some noise associated with the hovering and landing/taking off of the helicopter, due to the exercise involved.

Thank you
Brian

From: ClubDes
Sent: Wednesday, 13 July 2011 12:47
To: Brian

Subject: FW: Helicopter Exercise Thursday 14 July 2011

Dear Brian,

Thanks for the heads up and releasing classified information, this was SUPPOSED to be a Black Op. Good one.

Please have them hover outside the windows of Level 3 of our building for my for extraction. They won’t need to look for me because I’ll find them, but a related image is attached for you to stick on the wall of the room that no one else is allowed to go into, ever.

Oh and they needn’t worry about me making the jump; It’s not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.

Yours, with all three eyes open and the safeties off,

Thanks,

Name classified.

The Auto Reply

One of the big disappointments I now find in this day and age of the social network is when you can’t instantly see a picture of the person you are conversing with, like when you receive an email from someone who is new to you.

Usually this takes place in the constraints of the work environment where it might not be possible for you to access the likes of Stalkbook and begin a life long infatuation with your new found correspondence.

I don’t, incidentally. Oh sure, sometimes I will print off profile pics and put them up on the wall in the spare room that no one is allowed to go into ever, but there’s nothing wrong with that, right?

But how long will it be do you think before it becomes the norm de rigueur that we do send more than just a cheery disposition and fancy signatures to each other?

I for one can not wait so I’m starting the ball rolling this week by initiating this auto reply which will be sent to selected new contacts:

Thank you for contacting me. As my reply to your email counts as official company business and I believe that through the use of smiley icons and colourful text that you may in fact be quite hot, please understand that I cannot reply until you have supplied me a recent photo as proof of identity.

Photos of you at the beach, intoxicated and baring a little too much skin, or posing in the bathroom mirror will be accepted and only ever circulated amongst a select few colleagues.

Please also note that this reply cannot be construed as a reply until said photo has been supplied and should not be considered as such.

This organisation is an equal opportunity replier and even if you turn out to be a BOBFOC (Body off Baywatch, Face off Crimewatch) you may receive a reply.

But only if you promise to talk filthy to me.