Normal Service Has Resumed

Home then and thank god for that. I much prefer being bored out of my wits on my own couch, fuck you very much. A few final thoughts on The Mount though, for future reference:

1. Turns out what we thought was The Rena, actually wasn’t. Unless it’s sunk in the last 48 hours and no one has told the people. I reckon it’s the latter.

2. Roundabouts are generally including in town planning to speed up the changing of direction and to keep traffic flowing. Not so in Mount Manganui where everyone joins in a game called ‘Let’s see how many cars we can squeeze in between pedestrian crossings’ of which, there are a ridiculous amount across each of the exits of said roundabouts.

3. So if the crossings are always being used and the cars are all backed up, is anyone really going anywhere?

4. Wearing your bikini down the main street is cool, if you live in LA, not so in NZ where it’s a case of undies undies togs and you’re wearing the undies. Not so cool.

5. Why do the majority of people at Carnivals always look like they would be right at home living the life of a carnie? This is not just restricted to The Mount mind you..but I did meet Heath Ledger there, he was running the merry-go-round. True story.

6. And do the residents of The Mount get the shits around this time of the year when their usually sleepy town gets overloaded with horny teenagers, backpackers, gyppos, carnies and boat crews? Given that most of the locals are retired and of an age where the fear of anyone colored and /or foreign is already at panic attack high, then it has to be quite the trip.

So there we go. Rest assured then that normal service has resumed, do not adjust your internets.

Yet another free flowing morning at one of the many Mt Maunganui roundabouts...

A Man And His Boat

Resident house ninja, ginja smacker and man of notoriously low standards, DG Macca, has this summer, bought himself a boat for no other reason he tells me than because ‘it’s a chick magnet’.
He, like so many of us here at ClubDes, is married with children, but that hasn’t stopped him spending the last two weekends cruising up and down the main drag asking young, attractive girls if “they want to come and be surrounded by sea men all day” and if so, “would they mind trying on the bikinis he has back there”, size extra small.

Unbeknown to them he has meticulously taken to the supportive straps on said bikinis with a razor blade and made them so flimsy that approximately 12 seconds in the wearer will suffer a multiple wardrobe malfunction. Oh yeah.

Now I’m not one for boats myself. It has something to do with the fear I have of the big, far-more powerful-than-we forces of Mother Nature and open water is about as impressive as it gets. I have been on boats before, many times, but I’ve been bricking it almost every single minute of every single journey, so as alluring as the slim chance of the aforementioned wardrobe malfunction actually happening is, I won’t be taking up the offer from DG Macca to be his first mate.

Not on the seas anyway, but on dry land, well that is a different story. Why this very weekend he and I are going to spend the day in his boat, whilst still on the trailer, with our tops off, getting pissed and making false mayday calls.

To create a fully authentic experience we’re going to lower the motor into a bucket full of water and let it run all day long and Mrs Macca has promised to come out every couple of minute and squirt us with the hose so as to mimic sea spray. Brilliant.

And most definitely not gay. Because we are both straight.

DG Macca, his budgie and his boat. So hot right now...