A Man And His Boat

Resident house ninja, ginja smacker and man of notoriously low standards, DG Macca, has this summer, bought himself a boat for no other reason he tells me than because ‘it’s a chick magnet’.
He, like so many of us here at ClubDes, is married with children, but that hasn’t stopped him spending the last two weekends cruising up and down the main drag asking young, attractive girls if “they want to come and be surrounded by sea men all day” and if so, “would they mind trying on the bikinis he has back there”, size extra small.

Unbeknown to them he has meticulously taken to the supportive straps on said bikinis with a razor blade and made them so flimsy that approximately 12 seconds in the wearer will suffer a multiple wardrobe malfunction. Oh yeah.

Now I’m not one for boats myself. It has something to do with the fear I have of the big, far-more powerful-than-we forces of Mother Nature and open water is about as impressive as it gets. I have been on boats before, many times, but I’ve been bricking it almost every single minute of every single journey, so as alluring as the slim chance of the aforementioned wardrobe malfunction actually happening is, I won’t be taking up the offer from DG Macca to be his first mate.

Not on the seas anyway, but on dry land, well that is a different story. Why this very weekend he and I are going to spend the day in his boat, whilst still on the trailer, with our tops off, getting pissed and making false mayday calls.

To create a fully authentic experience we’re going to lower the motor into a bucket full of water and let it run all day long and Mrs Macca has promised to come out every couple of minute and squirt us with the hose so as to mimic sea spray. Brilliant.

And most definitely not gay. Because we are both straight.

DG Macca, his budgie and his boat. So hot right now...