The ClubDes family took a break in that northern most of New Zealand outposts last week, The Gold Coast. It’s a great place and has a lot going for it; its hot, dry, has beautiful beaches, beautiful people and is almost devoid of Emos. I only spotted the one the whole time we were there and even he was tanned!
It’s one of those places where girls in bikinis greet you almost the moment you step off the shuttle. Man they’re everywhere and hey that’s okay by me. I don’t mind if they’re at the fair on the waterfront, in and around the hotel, in the mall and of course on the beach, so long as they extend the same courtesy to me and my thong.
Functionality doesn’t appear to be high on the list of prerequisites though when girls in Oz pick their cozzies. Many of the young ladies who I witnessed spending the day at Wet’n’Wild spent most of their time readjusting or holding up small bunches of fabric that just couldn’t maintain the support that one needs when being fired down a tube of pulsating water at some ridiculous speed. As it was I spent half the day trying to retrieve my board shorts from my anus so I’d be genuinely surprised to find any young lady that didn’t need exploratory surgery at the end of the day to recover their skimpy little bikini bottom from their bottom.
One young lady in particular had on a fantastically frilly number that no doubt looked great in the pages of the magazine from which she picked it out of, but really had no place being in a wave pool. I spent the entire ten minutes of one such wave session trying to keep an eye on my son only to be distracted by her arse crack which would appear after every passing wave. Unfortunately she was in the direct line of my sight the whole time, but fortunately it was not the kind of sight that required me to be at least up to my waist in the water. I’m surprised the lifeguards didn’t ask her to get out before a small child was sucked up in there.
But the need to imitate each other that I noticed seemed to afflict most Aussie girls didn’t end with their choice of bikini. Aussie girls really only do the one look and its best described as falling somewhere between high fashion and trying to look like the girls of The Hills. Many young ladies I noticed – and this is during the day mind you – had such a thick layer of make up on that I can only imagine that it had been applied with a trowel and would have to be removed by a water blaster.
Many girls had on extremely short skirts, commonly just an oversized mens shirt worn with a belt, that they then had difficulty remaining comfortable with while wearing, often trying to pull them down whilst walking. Needless to say sitting down or getting up in one was a complete write off and as such I saw more breakfasts than I recall ordering. Wearing elevated heels to make the legs look longer didn't seem to help much either.
In one of my previous blogs I referred to a study done last year that showed Australian girls as being some of the highest scorers, internationally, who feel under increased pressure to conform. And I’m beginning to understand why. Twenty years ago, when I was a horny teenager, the world got its collective rocks off over naturally beautiful Australian women like Elle McPherson. Aussie soaps like Neighbours and then Home & Away etc had us fellas running home to have a quick wank after school before the sister got home because the girls on those shows were like no one else on TV. But now it seems Aussie girls, or at least those on the Gold Coast, appear to have lost that sense of identity and are busy trying to all be like American girls.
Aussie fellas only do the one look and it’s that ‘just got out of the surf’ look, which put another way is the ‘just got out of bed look’. Given the distinct lack of surfers I actually saw surfing I suspect it’s more of the latter but the girls over there don’t seem to mind, which just goes to prove my theory that these days it’s getting easier and easier for guys to do nothing and still pull chicks – even in Aussie.
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