Elections and Erections.

So the national erection has come and gone and just like ‘ol Grandad it will be another three years before we have another one. It struck me whilst taking part and later watching the drama unfold, that the national erection is quite possibility the only event untouched these days by gratuitous sexual exploitation. I watched almost five hours of election night coverage and there wasn't even so much of a see through white blouse.

Hardly surprising given the subject matter I suppose, I couldn't imagine that even at celebratory post election bash they would be much chance of pulling. Not that I've ever been to one but it seems the average age at these things is 50ish, but hey who knows, all the swingers I know are 50+ so maybe it’s one big car key party and as more and more young people get involved you can be rest assured it will be only a matter of time before its wall to wall T & A. How else will they keep their attention otherwise?

It would've been wall to wall cock over at the Erotica Expo, the second biggest show in town this weekend. We did plan to go, but I only just managed to extract myself from bed to vote, let alone spend a couple of hours walking around the Events Centre trying to make like I didn't have an erection the whole time. Incidentally, one of the best ways to hide a stiffy whilst standing is to lean back against a wall and rest one of your feet half way up the wall, thus creating a casual, but cool stance that hides even the fullest woody. How many guys were up against the wall at the Expo I wonder?

My dodging the sexpo wasn't due to me being frigid at the thought of handling an eight foot strap on dickie or perving at those that use them in the course of making their living, far from it. But I've had a cold all week and unlike those that call in sick as soon as they get the slightest head rush when getting out of bed in the morning, I tried to work through it for far too long.

There's nothing quite like having a cold when the weather is great outside. If feeling like shit wasn't enough then it's hot everywhere just to remind you what you're missing. Just to top it off I spent too long outside last week when I wasn't sick and got sunburnt for my troubles. So now I'm burnt, sick and miserable, trying to crack a fat over the election coverage because I’ve missed the sexpo. What a winner.

I was genuinely surprised not to see the name 'OBAMA, Barack' on my voting form on Saturday. I looked everywhere and it clearly wasn't there so I wrote it at the bottom and ticked it. I hope they've counted it. It did seem like America's election earlier in the week was the world's election didn't it? Maybe all them uptight types who think we're too Americanised really have a point. Right up till the final days of our election I couldn't help but notice that we we're still getting more coverage from the States than we were of the Helen and John show.

Obviously them electing a cheeky darky was groundbreaking stuff but let's face it, Mr Sulu from Star Trek could've been running against McCain and have won it I reckon and he's a fictional character. George Takkei, the homosexual Asian man who played him probably wouldn't have done so well had he run as himself though. It's a uniform thing really.

Sarah Palin was the only deviation from the bullshit that gushed from the Republican War Machine but even she knew she was on a hiding to nothing with Grandpa McCain and eventually started putting the boot in - or at least the high heeled stiletto, the kinky bitch. Palin’s presence in the American campaign show wasn't a complete loss though, at least not for the porno Palin lookalikes who were quick to put on the dark framed glasses, tailored suits and do ‘Joe the Plumber’! Google that one if you dare.

Back at home it was the end of an era with the Teflon Don - Winston Peters - getting the boot. Winnie was always good for a laugh but he backed the wrong horse in appealing to the Grey Power crowd like he has done all these years. The problem with having a rent-a-crowd whose average age is in the high 70's is that they're more likely to cark it between elections than your average punter.

For the record I voted Green and not because I like hairy women and retro minge. It was really the only vote I could make on good conscience because you wait, in three years time we’ll be gagging to get rid of John too and the cycle will begin again...