Summer it would seem, has well and truly arrived. You know it has when your washing gets so dry and stiff you have to wet it again to fold the bloody stuff.
I don't think it's so hot that people need to be driving around topless though like some folk round here have been. We hardly live in the Mojave Desert and last time I checked, most cars have air con, or windows, those things that can be wound down. Now I can understand driving with your shirt off if you're getting in your car beside the beach to drive further down the beach, but to pick the kids up from school? I don't think so. Think of the children for Christ sake. They don’t want to see middle aged male areola and never do I.
Remember how about 15 years ago some nerdy folk used to harp on about us all using air con less in order to save the ozone and how we all ignored them because we loved getting out of our ice cold cars and walking into ice cold shopping malls? Now we have global warming and we wonder just why the planet is heating up and why we have to drive around topless. Go figure.
The female version of driving topless is to walk everywhere in short shorts. I think that quite possibly every female member of the student body has started wearing them at the college I have to drive by every morning to drop my son off at school. Not that I'm complaining because I seem to be immune these days to the site of trim, taught, tanned teenie legs, possibly because my eyesight is such that I can just make out the back of my hand on the steering wheel, but lesser drivers are not. You can tell by the way they weave all over the road trying their best to take in both sides of the view at once. Somebody needs to put up warning signs around the place before some unsuspecting pedestrian gets parked on.
Summer perving is a rite of passage for any young man. It's usually the masturbation preparation period of a fella's life that precedes the period where he discovers just what words work best to find the free porn when using Google. It's about this time of year that car loads of sweaty young guys will spend the day to-ing and fro-ing between beaches around the place, parking up every now and then when an opportunity presents itself to perv at older girls in bikinis. Despite the sweltering temperature, none of the good ol boys will actually get out of the car on account of the massive hard on that all this girlskin on show will inevitably cause. Hey, we've all been there.
I have actually. I remember spending such an afternoon in the back of Jase’s very cramped RX7 at Days Bay one afternoon. There the four of us sat, with our legs bent, getting an eyeful of the two hottest bodies on the beach that fortuitously happened to be laid out right in front of us. Any doubts we might have had as to whether the girls cottoned on to us were gone the moment they started to leave and took a detour to come over to the car just to tell us we were 'fucken perverts'. A bit rude of them I thought. Their magnificent bosoms and pert arses distracted us from the very panoramic harbour view that lay beyond them but did they hear us complaining? No, they did not.
Still, not quite as bad as the time Bruiser was driving and missed the lights turning green at the intersection on account of two blonde's in bikini tops crossing the road several metres in front of us. He might have gotten away with a lazy perv too, had it not been for the girls in the car beside us, who after witnessing that he no longer needed hands to hold the steering wheel in place, tooted, waking him from his three-way fantasy. Jealous bitches.
Personally, I don't see the point in looking longer than a second or two, or even more than once. Admittedly it's a very primal thing for us fellas to stare like we do and it simply comes down to the fact that we like to watch, sport usually, but if it's an attractive girl wearing very little you can be assured that will usually do it nine times out of ten. The one guy who wouldn’t is gay. But that doesn’t mean it has to be blatant or disturbing, which it seems to be as men get older and perhaps of more concern, is that girls flaunting it get younger.
And let’s be honest, a little attention can be very flattering. Hey if I actually looked like Titan from Gladiators like I like to think I do, I'd be strutting around in a thong too hoping to catch the eye of everyone, including the gay guy. There's no harm in looking as they say but fellas, take it from me, when you're parked up at the lights and sex on legs walks by, just look the once aye?
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