I fancy her like crazy but not since she started dating Russell Brand. What's he got that I haven't is what I ask myself when dancing topless to her songs in the mirror.
Why is it that when someone windswept and interesting like Perry comes along we all start gagging for any tidbit of a story that might prove even more titillating than the last?
Whether she really does like to kiss girls or not who cares? She sang a song about it and got over it, if only we could. Now that she’s hooked up with that mangina Brand it’s like all the newspapers and websites in the world are hoping that it all goes spectacularly sexual so that they have a licence to print even more money.
I do like her songs though and it’s okay for a guy to sing them too, which isn’t always the case because girlie songs are not always suited for a deep manly voice like mine, thanks to my bull like testicles.
I have been sitting at home today, with the front door wide open, singing like no one is listening and only now do I realise someone has been - she next door who likes to sunbathe topless in the back yard.
I wouldn't mind that she gets her knockers out as often as she does were she 17 but she's about 50 and at that age gravity is the enemy. All summer I have been painting the fences and there is a section that I am yet to paint because I can see through the planks. Even if I tried not to, I would still see through the planks.
I had a close call the other day whilst painting the section next to said glory hole. My wife was water blasting the drive at the time and she next door, perhaps panicking at the thought of an unexpected shower, popped her head above the parapets to see just how far away the missus was.
Thankfully she didn’t look my way because I wasn’t in the mood to make conversation with a topless retiree, but the real relief was that I wasn’t working on the said section because I would have had a knothole full of nipple and she a body paint experience like no other.
Needless to say that section can bloody wait till the winter.
The view through planks three and four...
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