Friday, July 9, 2010

That Don't Impress Me Much...

Paul the Octopus picking World Cup results, or rather our response to it does not impress me much.

How typical of life in New Zealand that despite professing to now be a football nation, the moment our team’s chances ceased to be so did most of the interest in the rest of the tournament (at least amongst those who only sing when we’re winning).

So much so we’re now fixated on whether or not a mollusc with eight testicles can pick a winner in a 50 – 50 chance equation. The TAB is even running odds on whether or not Paul will get it right. And to think we’ve always thought Ze Germans were fucked in the head...

Kylie Minogue’s latest music video does not impress me much.

Is she gagging for a gang bang or what? I seem to recall one of her other videos containing similar orgy overtones. Now I love Kylie as much as the next straight guy but I much prefer to fantasise about her as the cute girl next door who eventually turned out to be as dirty as we wanted her to be, not as some 42 year old surround by naked guys in masks.

Still, I would go there.

The amount of Indian / Pakistani taxi drivers does not impress me much.

Not because they don’t do a good job, they do, but there’s just so many of them doing it now it’s blurred the lines of the stereotypical Indian joke being about Dipak at the Dairy.

Mrs ClubDes used the taxi joke the other day and although highly amusing, it dawned on me that for those less intelligent than we – present reading company included - that the joke would have no meaning.

Someone needs to sort it out once and for all; otherwise jokes about curry munchers may be lost to us forever.

Grown men, who’ve spent the last 15 years perfecting the Rubik’s cube, do not impress me much.

So now they can now solve it in less than 20 seconds?! Way to go guys, you mastered a toy. That’s a hell of a long time and years wasted just so you can impress a bunch of 10 year olds. Did you not even think to try the internet to figure out how it's done?

And as if to justify their achievements they even have tournaments to see who can solve the thing fastest and when, as is often the case with things that are only interesting the first few times you do them, shit gets boring, they crack it up a notch and move on to the really daring stuff:

1. Blindfolded solving
2. Solving the Cube with one person blindfolded and the other person saying what moves to do, known as "Team Blindfold"
3. Solving the Cube underwater in a single breath
4. Solving the Cube using a single hand
5. Solving the Cube with one's feet

It took me all of about an hour to solve my first Cube of Rubik and I have never needed to redo it again. I pulled it apart with a screwdriver and glued all the pieces back together in order. I couldn’t believe it was that easy.

I’ll tell you what fellas, solve it whilst your dick is stuck in a blender and I might be impressed. I’ll even waive the whole time limit thing.


This is how you solve the Cube of Rubik.

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