Toothbrushes & Invisibility

Have you ever wished that you could go back to school as an undercover brother, like 21 Jump Street style?

I have, but only so I could score all the girls that I didn’t first time round because I was too sexually inept. In that particular day dream of mine it wouldn’t take long for word to get around the female faculty, about me, the new guy, who knows things and by ‘things’ I don’t mean Classics.

Which was a weird subject anyway wasn’t it, Classics. But it did seem to attract all the hot girls so in hindsight I wish I had given away Economics which was a complete sausage fest, for Classics which was full of goddesses learning about, well, goddesses.

Actually I have always had a similar motivation when choosing my super power; invisibility. That way I could follow girls home, sneak into their rooms and watch them undress. And to think people I know say I have a one track mind….

One of the reasons I’d have to go back in time to do the 21 Jump Street thing is because most of those same girls I fancied then have not aged at all well. I know this thanks to the wonder that is Facebook where long held, unfulfilled sexual fantasies can be killed off in a single profile photo.

Thanks to the two degree’s of separation thing I managed to stumble across one of my first true loves the other day. Admittedly the ‘true love’ bit was probably all on my side and I don’t really recall her reciprocating any of it, although we did have a very intimate snack of peanut butter and jam on toast the one time.

Back then I thought Lisa M was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen and now that I think about I can’t help but think that by then, she probably was. I asked her out once, but she said no, probably because at that stage we hardly knew each other.

Which was not my first failure at going steady with someone back in the day, nor was it my last. It’s a fault all us fellas have deep in our hard code, that at that age, we all assume girls will fall for some guy they’ve never heard of nor spoken to simply because we have had the lusties from afar for them for ages.

These days society has a name for it: stalking.

I was reminded of these things just yesterday whilst at a funeral. The father of ClubDes founding member and resident savant, Marco, passed away and what a loss to the world he will be. It’s people like him that really did make the world go round and he will be missed greatly.

Funerals usually bring together a lot of old friends and acquaintances and this was no different. The Bruiser and I were reminiscing about one girl in attendance who had quite the reputation of being a floozy back in the day and a quick reference to Stalkbook confirmed that some things never change.

Floozy is a euphemism of course and not me showing my age by using the language of an 80 year old woman. It’s just that I’m conscious a mutual friend of hers and mine might read this and I’d hate to think of them thinking less of me for calling her a slut.

It got me wondering though if she carries a toothbrush in her hand bag. Have you noticed that every bugger devoid of some original idea is trying to reinvent the humble toothbrush these days? The latest advances in cutting edge toothbrush technology are to have made them smaller and in some cases, put a hole in the handle.

The case for miniaturisation seems to be so that you girls can slip them into your little black purses when you're at events where little black dresses are worn and oral hygiene is high on your priority list when looking to work the room. Or score a root.

Which is great news for we the clueless sex, because if the girl chatting you up at your next party disappears to brush her teeth then you know it’s on. Only you won’t really because she won’t tell you that’s what she’s doing; she could be disappearing for a big steamy one or simply trying to get away from you. Who would really know?

Now if only you had that power of invisibility…