Here's a little something that left me a wee bit moist this week. Ford NZ have chucked a spaz because the latest road safety ad features one of their cars skidding off the road and down a bank.
Obviously the marketing guys at Ford shit themselves upon seeing it for the first time, they thought their worst fears had been realised – someone had leaked the out takes of their last ad campaign to the media. When they realised that it wasn’t they went into what promotions people always do in a panic situation, they initiated full bullshit mode.
The poor sheila who was obviously out of the room when they had the ‘so who’s going to front up to the media with this crap’ vote, spent several minutes on last nights television news pointing out that thanks to the anti-dandruff-traction-stabiliser thingee that comes as standard on all new Fords, this accident would never happen and therefore the advertisement mis-represented them unfairly. They had, she pointed out almost believably, received several calls from concerned Ford owners.
Really? Several calls you say? I would like to know what these owners called about. It’s a pretty sad day when after seeing an ad on TV you decided to call the manufacturer of your car. A product recall due to spontaneous combustion might do that, but a road safety ad? More importantly I would like to know how they knew the number to ring. These are the same organisations that are notoriously impossible get a hold of when you’re looking to lay a claim after your car spontaneously exploded into a ball of flames and yet, on a lazy Sunday night, several frantic people were able to contact them and express their concerns that the car in the ad looked a little like theirs? I don’t think so Ford.
Let’s read between the lines here. What Ford is trying to tell us is they don’t think that their cars crash and therefore we should excuse them from contributing to road safety. They forget that the weakest link in all this is the driver. Yes, the technology that goes into car safety has come a long way but as yet, no braniac has yet invented a system that fully negates the unpredictably of the munter behind the wheel.
I put car manufacturers right up there in this lack of moral responsibility they exhibit with tobacco companies, McDonalds, the oil companies and the guy at our cafeteria who put onions in my mate Big Gay Rays ham, cheese and pineapple toasty. He didn’t have any pineapple, so he figured onion would be a good substitute. By the way, Ray’s not actually gay. He says he’s only in it for the bumfun.
Here’s where a car company like Ford has the average munter fooled. They make fast powerful machines and market them as super cars that will never fail you. They make ads where the very relaxed, fresh from a colonic Joe Average driver throws his car around mountainous S bends like he just don’t care. Now the law says that they have to show a disclaimer in their ads and they do, but they make it as tiny and as blurry as legally possible so you can’t see it. It reads something like this:
“This ad was made on a closed road that our professionally trained driver of several years experience had 64 days to practice on. We worked out before hand just what we needed to do in order not to fuck it up. Joe actually drove this stretch of road 43 times and never once did he get out of first gear thanks to maintaining the 10kmh speed restriction recommended by our stunt co-ordinators. Then we fast forwarded the whole thing to make it look like he was doing a 110kmh. Enjoy your 60K metal casket, dumbass.”
And they have the gall to pack a sulk over an ad that features an unbranded model of theirs in a road safety campaign?! Will they lose sales over it? I doubt it. I suspect that the guy who traditionally buys this type of Ford doesn’t actually pay any attention to any road safety ad. He’s far too busy rushing to make his next colonic. And after all, she’ll be right.
Ever notice how the owners of Fords and Holden’s tend to be fat buggers? I’m not one to unfairly generalise, but think about it next time you see one puffing his way from out behind the wheel in a car park. I often wonder, did he get fat by working at a desk job all these years to make enough money to buy the thing? Or did he buy it because he needs the power to transport his weight around? Does he in fact have a tiny chopper? Both my neighbours own one and yes, both are big individuals. One dude is a lady though so it can’t be a case of penile dwarfism, although she is a bit mannish and I have my suspicions.
Ford New Zealand, proud to be behind the All Blacks, but not road safety. Nice one.
NB: Incidentally my mate Skids loves Fords, but he doesn’t actually own one. So you’re alright by me Marcus.
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