People keep sending me invites to Facebook. It’s the site that ‘sends’ the invite of course but either way, it’s getting on my tits.
Facebook is the new Bebo which is nothing to write home about as far as I’m concerned because Bebo is quite stink. Facebook is the new way to annoy the fuck out of someone who doesn't subscribe to the 'you're not cool if you're not on it' theory. Maybe it’s that I just don’t get it but there’s something about sites like Bebo and Facebook that I don’t trust and it’s not just down to the fat paedophiles pretending to be 15 year old boys who frequent them. Call me frigid (my wife does) but I just don’t think it’s kosher to put that much of you on display to potentially, millions. It’s like the old saying, don’t put on the Internet what you wouldn’t feel comfortable putting on the supermarket notice board.
Which is a shit saying really because who puts anything on the supermarket notice board anyway?! But you get my drift.
Maybe it’s the anonymity of having potentially millions view your stuff that makes it so appealing. Read that line again and it probably doesn’t make sense a second time either but it’s actually quite breath taking and some of my best work. It’s called being poignant. Allow me to illustrate my point: A guy at my work has a Bebo profile that has revealed that he prefers a spot of rimming. News to us, the people he spends ten hours a day with but it sure does explain a few things and obviously for him, it’s easier to be honest in the face of a million strangers than it is to be openly gay amongst 20 colleagues. He’s a big fan of High School Musical, apparently.
These sites are a great way to communicate with friends people tell me. No doubt, but you know what, so is talking face to face over lunch or coffee. How about taking the time out from posting the latest pics of you pissed at yet another dead beat party to actually meet your friends, in person? Sites like these are the new text message, which was the new email, which was the new note passed in class when the teacher wasn’t looking, which was the new - wait for it - way of talking to someone face to face! That’s the IT revolution for you.
What’s the real point of these sites I wonder? Well actually, there’s two points. One is to deliver soft porn to those too cheap to sign up to a hard core sight. In my one and only visit to Bebo I was awestruck by how easy it was to click my way through an entire generation of adolescent girls and their personal photos. Now I’m as big a fan of girls in various stages of undress as the next guy, but afterwards I actually felt for once in my life, like a dirty old man. I wasn’t invited to view these photos, I knew none of the people in them but through the wonders of the virtual world I managed to view the intimate moments of most of them. About the only thing I couldn’t do online is leave a little something special in their undie draw.
The second reason is because all those girls want to be noticed. By someone, preferably by the hot guy at school whose name is all over their schoolbooks, but by someone, anyone. So they add photos of them with their mates getting pissed, or getting ready before going out to get pissed, or the morning after they got pissed, just so someone will notice. Someone will notice alright, they’ll notice that you get pissed easily and frequently. Is it any wonder with so much personal stuff on show that it’s not long before the one hand surfer comes a knockin?
I love the photo of possessions though. Here’s my cool stereo or here’s my cool shoes. Who gives a shit?! In my day, if a mate had something you liked, you pinched it. My mate Bruiser had his entire G I Joe collection decimated in roughly a ten minute period the first and last time he bought them to school. My collection conveniently increased by about a third that day.
Here’s the sticky tissue that really gets me about these sites though – how do they make their money? Everyone is in it for the money, that’s just life Jim, but these are free to join sites, so where does the income come from? Banner ads? Have you ever clicked on one? So then what do they do with all that info they have on all their members when no one clicks on enough banner ads to make it profitable? I wonder. I wonder a lot.
I’m going to sign up to Facebook alright, because a perv’s a perv and it’s always better when it’s free. But the only pictures I’m going to use on my profile are going to be of my genitalia. It will be all very tasteful though, I won’t cheapen myself. I’ll have a courtesy trim before hand and ensure I optimise the lighting to best effect and I’ll mix up the angles a little, a few undersides here and there, some nice point of view images. I wonder how many hits I’ll get from my friends. At least one initial hit I suspect and then as alluring as I’m sure my pink bits are, I suspect no one is going to be particularly interested in my profile. Which says it all really.
Except maybe the guy at my work.
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