DougalMougal was giving me gip today for not having posted anything on the blog in over a week. Honestly, the more that guy speaks the less I want to sleep with him. But he’s quite right; you can’t not write anything for ages and try to pass yourself off as a blog, it's the first rule of BlogClub.
I’ve actually spent the entire week trying to open a new and improved pack of AA batteries, one of the ones where the new ‘easy tear’ tab is anything but easy and usually starts off by coming away from the pack at the slightest hint of pressure, thus rendering it completely useless and almost entirely impenetrable.
How many ‘easy to open’ packs do you actually find, well, easy to open? How is opening a box of muesli bars difficult anyway, it’s not exactly the Krypton Factor is it? Remember the good old days of bottled milk where all you had to do was jab your dirty index finger through the foil top to get to the good stuff? Now you’d be lucky to open your milk with anything less than several knifes of varying bluntness from the kitchen draw and a small Asian family. Tiny powerful little fists.
At times like these I am always amazed to think that somewhere, somehow, someone is actually getting paid good money to develop shit like this. Do they live an existence where they genuinely think they’re helping people I wonder, or are they just loving the fact that they getting paid some easy, easy money? All the others down the same packaging chain – the testers, the makers and the marketers – all share in making the same easy money. So it seems everyone on that particular merry go round is making easy money except you and me, the poor bastards who spend several hours fidgeting with the useless plastic seal tab thingee that cost us our hard earned money.
It’s a bit like unhooking a girl’s bra for the first time, except there was something worth getting to in that particular package. Speaking of milkers, Lindsay Lohan, the last great hope for those that fancy a bit of celebrity fire crotch – Bruiser, I’m looking at you brother – has gotten hers out in a photo shoot that pays homage to Marilyn Monroe’s last sitting. They are impressive, as I suspected they always were. I only suspected that since she’s been 16 mind you. To think that when she was like, 12, would just be wrong. If I can figure out how to post a link to them here I will, then we can all have a wank over them:
Lindsay's Nungas
Speaking of freckles, when the hell did the Hi5 line-up change? I just happened to come across the latest K Mart waste of space in my letterbox and couldn’t help but notice the effeminate fella is now a pimply ginga. As the young blondes I’m currently stalking on Bebo would say: WTF?! I think the Asian girl has changed too but you never can tell, they all look the same.
It’s like movie stars who play a memorable role like James Bond. Daniel Craig should be barred from playing anything else until he’s no longer James Bond because it breaks the illusion and it just gets on my tits. Worst is that dude who plays Cyclops in the X Men movies and turned up in the Superman Returns flick. Now that’s not even an honest mistake, that’s just taking the piss because Marvel comic characters do not cross over into DC comic movies, that’s not cool.
Neither is checking out a chick from afar that turns out up close to be a dude. Like some guy I know but who's name escapes me did earlier this week. Never trust a man with a pony tail, or parents who let their kids have hairdos that make them look like the other gender. The highlight of my weekend was asking 'Hows it going boys?' to the two on our doorstep selling fundraising chocolate, only to find that the youngest was called Abby. Great, now I've given some poor girl a complex all because Mum saves money by sending both kids to the same hairdresser.
So anyway, once you’re done having one over Lindsay Lohan – did I mention the shaven haven? – You might like to check out the slideshows I’ve added on the right. They should work for all bar the four of you that read this at our work.
Hey I might not have written anything in a week but I never neglect the blog. It's the first rule of BlogClub.
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