Our Top 5; Gingas

Australia’s got a new back stabber – I mean Prime Minister – and she’s a raging ginga, or ranga, as she would be called in her native land.

It must be an empty feeling surely, being a Prime Minister that no one actually elected. It’s a bit like winning the meat pack but only after the original winner wasn’t there to claim the prize when their name was drawn. Julia Gillard will relate to that I’m sure because one look at her and you can tell she’s mutton...

Ranga is short for ‘orangatan’ which is slightly more offensive than calling someone a ginga I would’ve thought, but there you go. I didn’t know what it was short for until I looked it up on the urban dictionary:

Derived from Orangutan or from the Latin “Orange Utan” meaning red pubic hair, commonly known as Fanta pants. This creature is well known for its fiery temper and pale skin; hence its ability to spend long periods of time in the sun is limited. The female of the spices is renowned for being good in bed, combining its natural aggression with its lack of appreciation for its looks.

Not that there is anything wrong with being a ginga. Just ask my mate Bruiser who loves a bit of fire crotch. He also loves a bit of Asian so it’s fair to say his dream girl is a red headed Asian which would be one hell of a magical mix, a bit like a black stripper with blue eyes.

Anyhoo, watching Gillard on the telly the overnight got us to thinking about our top five redheads right now. Not of all time mind you, because that would require some hard out thinking back to big wank’s of days gone by, so we’ve gone with the hair(red)and now.

1. Hayley Williams

Now there may be some doubt as to whether or not this orange dyed cutie and lead singer of Paramore, is a natural ginga but we’ve seen her fruit jubes, thanks to a topless pic she accidentally tweeted a few weeks back and they’re definitely the numnums of a redhead.

2. Samantha Hayes

Still the sexiest news girl around.

3. Deborah Ann Woll

Anna Paquin may have been the main attraction for the first season and a half of True Blood, but baby vamp Jessica is the hottest girl on the Bon Temps block these days. In a sexy ‘the girl next door will drain your blood’ kind of way. More on all things vampire in an uncoming blog...

4. Li-Lo

Yes, we know that she’s a train wreck, soon to be in jail and that her hair is currently some shade of peroxide, but Li-Lo’s carpet does not match the curtains and deep down she is a bonafide ginga. She’s also prone to random acts of, well, randomness, like shagging some guy in the toilets whilst at rehab. Kinky bitch.

5. Rhys Darby

Yes, we know, he’s a fella. But he’s still a fucken funny fella so that will make for a highly amusing homosexual experience. As opposed to the otherwise disturbing Gaylord experiences you’ve had to date.

The First Rule of BlogClub...

DougalMougal was giving me gip today for not having posted anything on the blog in over a week. Honestly, the more that guy speaks the less I want to sleep with him. But he’s quite right; you can’t not write anything for ages and try to pass yourself off as a blog, it's the first rule of BlogClub.

I’ve actually spent the entire week trying to open a new and improved pack of AA batteries, one of the ones where the new ‘easy tear’ tab is anything but easy and usually starts off by coming away from the pack at the slightest hint of pressure, thus rendering it completely useless and almost entirely impenetrable.

How many ‘easy to open’ packs do you actually find, well, easy to open? How is opening a box of muesli bars difficult anyway, it’s not exactly the Krypton Factor is it? Remember the good old days of bottled milk where all you had to do was jab your dirty index finger through the foil top to get to the good stuff? Now you’d be lucky to open your milk with anything less than several knifes of varying bluntness from the kitchen draw and a small Asian family. Tiny powerful little fists.

At times like these I am always amazed to think that somewhere, somehow, someone is actually getting paid good money to develop shit like this. Do they live an existence where they genuinely think they’re helping people I wonder, or are they just loving the fact that they getting paid some easy, easy money? All the others down the same packaging chain – the testers, the makers and the marketers – all share in making the same easy money. So it seems everyone on that particular merry go round is making easy money except you and me, the poor bastards who spend several hours fidgeting with the useless plastic seal tab thingee that cost us our hard earned money.

It’s a bit like unhooking a girl’s bra for the first time, except there was something worth getting to in that particular package. Speaking of milkers, Lindsay Lohan, the last great hope for those that fancy a bit of celebrity fire crotch – Bruiser, I’m looking at you brother – has gotten hers out in a photo shoot that pays homage to Marilyn Monroe’s last sitting. They are impressive, as I suspected they always were. I only suspected that since she’s been 16 mind you. To think that when she was like, 12, would just be wrong. If I can figure out how to post a link to them here I will, then we can all have a wank over them:

Lindsay's Nungas

Speaking of freckles, when the hell did the Hi5 line-up change? I just happened to come across the latest K Mart waste of space in my letterbox and couldn’t help but notice the effeminate fella is now a pimply ginga. As the young blondes I’m currently stalking on Bebo would say: WTF?! I think the Asian girl has changed too but you never can tell, they all look the same.

It’s like movie stars who play a memorable role like James Bond. Daniel Craig should be barred from playing anything else until he’s no longer James Bond because it breaks the illusion and it just gets on my tits. Worst is that dude who plays Cyclops in the X Men movies and turned up in the Superman Returns flick. Now that’s not even an honest mistake, that’s just taking the piss because Marvel comic characters do not cross over into DC comic movies, that’s not cool.

Neither is checking out a chick from afar that turns out up close to be a dude. Like some guy I know but who's name escapes me did earlier this week. Never trust a man with a pony tail, or parents who let their kids have hairdos that make them look like the other gender. The highlight of my weekend was asking 'Hows it going boys?' to the two on our doorstep selling fundraising chocolate, only to find that the youngest was called Abby. Great, now I've given some poor girl a complex all because Mum saves money by sending both kids to the same hairdresser.

So anyway, once you’re done having one over Lindsay Lohan – did I mention the shaven haven? – You might like to check out the slideshows I’ve added on the right. They should work for all bar the four of you that read this at our work.

Hey I might not have written anything in a week but I never neglect the blog. It's the first rule of BlogClub.