Our Top 5; Gingas

Australia’s got a new back stabber – I mean Prime Minister – and she’s a raging ginga, or ranga, as she would be called in her native land.

It must be an empty feeling surely, being a Prime Minister that no one actually elected. It’s a bit like winning the meat pack but only after the original winner wasn’t there to claim the prize when their name was drawn. Julia Gillard will relate to that I’m sure because one look at her and you can tell she’s mutton...

Ranga is short for ‘orangatan’ which is slightly more offensive than calling someone a ginga I would’ve thought, but there you go. I didn’t know what it was short for until I looked it up on the urban dictionary:

Derived from Orangutan or from the Latin “Orange Utan” meaning red pubic hair, commonly known as Fanta pants. This creature is well known for its fiery temper and pale skin; hence its ability to spend long periods of time in the sun is limited. The female of the spices is renowned for being good in bed, combining its natural aggression with its lack of appreciation for its looks.

Not that there is anything wrong with being a ginga. Just ask my mate Bruiser who loves a bit of fire crotch. He also loves a bit of Asian so it’s fair to say his dream girl is a red headed Asian which would be one hell of a magical mix, a bit like a black stripper with blue eyes.

Anyhoo, watching Gillard on the telly the overnight got us to thinking about our top five redheads right now. Not of all time mind you, because that would require some hard out thinking back to big wank’s of days gone by, so we’ve gone with the hair(red)and now.

1. Hayley Williams

Now there may be some doubt as to whether or not this orange dyed cutie and lead singer of Paramore, is a natural ginga but we’ve seen her fruit jubes, thanks to a topless pic she accidentally tweeted a few weeks back and they’re definitely the numnums of a redhead.

2. Samantha Hayes

Still the sexiest news girl around.

3. Deborah Ann Woll

Anna Paquin may have been the main attraction for the first season and a half of True Blood, but baby vamp Jessica is the hottest girl on the Bon Temps block these days. In a sexy ‘the girl next door will drain your blood’ kind of way. More on all things vampire in an uncoming blog...

4. Li-Lo

Yes, we know that she’s a train wreck, soon to be in jail and that her hair is currently some shade of peroxide, but Li-Lo’s carpet does not match the curtains and deep down she is a bonafide ginga. She’s also prone to random acts of, well, randomness, like shagging some guy in the toilets whilst at rehab. Kinky bitch.

5. Rhys Darby

Yes, we know, he’s a fella. But he’s still a fucken funny fella so that will make for a highly amusing homosexual experience. As opposed to the otherwise disturbing Gaylord experiences you’ve had to date.

Up Yours Telescum

You know, I'm not always right but I'm never wrong and a case in point is my picking in an earlier blog that the Telescum XT mobile ads were a fizzer compared to the 2 Degrees effort.

This week the masses thought so too by voting the XT ads the worst on the annual Fair Go Ad awards. Admittedly the 2 Degrees ads didn't win the best ad category (despite being a finalist) but that's probably just as well because other wise this particular blog would be twice as long extolling just how easy it is being the smartest guy in the room.

Interestingly Fair Go is the second most watched show each week on NZ telly, so that means more than just Grandma put down her latest issue of Readers Digest to vote. Readers Digest mags were great weren't they? I challenge you to find a bach / holiday home / doctors waiting room that doesn't have at least one amongst the reading material on offer. I reckon they are second only to Commando comics in terms of proliferation back in the day where you were guaranteed to find one, or several in magazine racks everywhere.

So I picked it like a broken nose that Richard Hammond would prove to be a lot less popular than our own Rhys Darby who lets face it, is in everything at the moment. The problem isn't so much The Hampster but the fact that the XT ads are, well, gay.

Zoe Bell is a top notch girl but no one is buying her 'out to sea in a ship container' rubbish. For a product that purports to be exceedingly high tech it was a real teabagging of the consumer by Telescum to try and have us believe ads that were decidedly low tech. So the phone works in a tunnel? Shit, lets sit down with a coffee and celebrate Christmas then.

Unsurprisingly it was an ex-pat Pom who accepted the award on behalf of Telescum and an ex-pat Pom who explained just how the 2 Degrees ad was shot which beggars the question; is their anyone working in the telecommunications industry in this country who isn't from the Mother country?! I know they broke the Enigma code during World War II but that doesn't make the buggers the authority on all things phones, especially the poofs over at Telescum who clearly don't know anything about making ads.

And don't you just hate blogs and articles that are full of hyperlinks like this? I always wonder if the writer actually wants me to read their work or spend all my in-between-porn-time at other sites....

P.S. That last one is a link to porn actually. Don't click it if you're at work. Admittedly information that would have been useful two paragraphs ago if you already have, my bad.

Uma and Zoe discuss just how stink the XT ads are..

A Funny Telco Ad? Imagine That Jermaine...

Nice one 2 Degrees; you’ve only been in the mobile biz for all of five minutes and you’ve already blown away the opposition in the eyes of a public gagging for some competition.

The Rhys Darby ad is head and shoulders above the Telescum XT network effort that has me not really wanting to watch Top Gear anymore. A pity really because Dickie Hammond is quite amusing when testing cars and other shit that actually requires the wearing of fire retardant overalls.

I wonder how many folk actually know who The Hamster is. Admittedly Top Gear might have an appeal that is a little greater than just those that watch the show on Prime but it wouldn’t be much more. If you didn’t know who he is then you’re probably thinking he’s just another annoying English accent in another annoying Telco ad. And you’d be right.

Everybody who knows Rhys Darby is. He’s Murray, the manager of The Conchords and NZs funniest guy right now. Any production that lets him play on what comes naturally to him is guaranteed to get the attention of the masses and even if 2 Degrees have blown the whole advertising budget on just the one ad it’s a keeper.

And the key is that it’s Rhys playing Murray, or is that vice versa? It’s not a desperate copy by some cheeky bugger trying to stir the porridge that is The Conchords success, like the Moro ad (NZs Fourth Favourite Chocolate Bar) or the two Aussie wankers on the pizza ad singing unfunny songs. Nope, this is the original; accept no substitute.

Good on you 2 Degrees. You are the equivilant of a text message in the timeline of mobile providers here in Godzown but you've already shown you know us better those ex-pat Pommie wasters over at Telescum do. Now I don’t know anything about you, your products or your prices – but I want one.

Imagine that!