Boobs On Bikes, Tanks and Midgets

It's one of those decisions that could go oh so wrong when at work; do I view the Boobs on Bikes pics online or not?

If you're lucky like me then photographic slide shows are disabled by the security settings on your network so the choice is made for you but I wonder how many did? Not that it mattered because later that night they (being gigantic mammaries) were all over the news. The funniest aspect of just such a story is watching some female news anchor like Hillary Barry having to fight back the disdain she clearly has for having to introduce such a trashy item.

And it is trash. Boobs are boobs and ridiculously large ones aside they fall right into the 'seen one pair seen them all' category. Promoter Steve Crow is man who has undoubtedly seen more teats than a dairy farmer and although he may be many things, he is smart and I reckon he's realised that sex alone doesn't sell these days so this year he kicked up a notch and bought something new to the masses - freaky sex.

You know shits gotten freaky when they have to get someone named 'Chelsea Charms' in on the act. Did she ride a tank because her breasts are so big or was it just to complete the image of mammoth milkers? In any case it doesn't do anything for me personally. Tanks? Yes please! Titanic titties? No thank you.

But its remarkable just how many Aucklanders line the streets this same time every year to watch Steve Crow's floppy Filipino breasted freak show when they could see a lot more quality teet on The Net. And they're not the smartest bunch (well certainly not the ones they interview on the news) which just adds to the freak ability of the event I suppose.

All this breasticle talk reminds me of the time back in my country school days in good ol rural Hawkes Bay. The local school was one which catered for kids of all ages, it had to because no other bugger was going to really, but it was certainly a good thing because we got to mix with kids of all ages, especially when it come to swimming season.

Now we had these two sisters at our school that were physically advanced for their age and that meant big ol titties, the kind of which many of us hadn't seen since the days of sucking on Mummies bittie. It was quite the sight that pool of ours; two well endowed girls splashing away like the carefree teens they were and the entire male student faculty unable to stand up in the waist high water because of it.

I shall never forget the momentous day that one of them had an astronomical wardrobe malfunction whilst mid frolic. Her shoulder strap - perhaps in hindsight ridiculously too thin to ever really support just such a fantastic specimen of nubile breast - snapped, releasing the said mallow puff for all we fellas to see. Now that alone would have been enough to keep many of us going for well into our late teens but in a marvelous twist of fate it remained unnoticed by it's owner for several time standing still, water splashing over it moments.

I can still picture it to this day and consequently wrote that entire last paragraph one handed, but that is how a breast should be bared - just enough so that it can be appreciated and fantasised over for several seasons later. This is where I think the Erotica Expo blows it load far too soon, by having the assetts on display too early in the transaction. Parading goose pimpled knockers down the main street might be a great way of getting yourselves on the news but is it going to get punters through the door that wouldn't usually rock up with their cocks up? I don't think so.

Now Steve Crow is a funny looking fellow and if ever you needed a reality check on just what the porn industry really looks like then he's the man to have a gander at. But the thing I like about Crow though is his acumen; Harei Mai John Campbell had him and that ridiculous waste of space that is Lisa Lewis on the other night arguing over a contractual dispute. Lewis, who's average assets have been plastered over the place ad nasuam thinks that her appearance should be worth more than the likes of Ms Charms. Crow in his usual brash self disagreed and quite rightly told the silly bitch to bugger off.

Yep, he certainly realises that sex alone doesn't sell any more. Freaky naughty does and just you wait, next year I reckon he'll go for the next logical step for the Parade; Midgey boobs.