Caster Semenya is a woman and a strange creature, because, according to tests conducted by the world’s governing body on Athletics (The IAAF) she’s also a man. They say that instead of ovaries she has a pair of inverted testes, which of course would never have been apparent if they had just conducted that classic test we all learnt ages ago to determine boys from girls: having her whip down the old grundies.
Incidentally every fella who’s had the underside of his love spuds touch cold water, or been unfortunate enough to have taken a kick to the undercarriage knows what inverted testes feel like, so welcome to the club Caster.
You’ve all heard this story of course and not since the great women’s weight lifting scandal of the early eighties has such attention been focused on a misplaced set of gnads. Back then it was the East German lifter Ana Bolic who caught the attention of the sporting world, when, whilst competing in the clean and jerk, had what appeared to be to the naked eye a wardrobe malfunction. Only on closer inspection it wasn’t a costume issue at all.
As the cameras slowly zoomed in audiences around the world gasped and mothers covered the eyes of their children as it was revealed to be a naked testicle that had popped out of her ‘tard as she squatted with a 100 plus kilograms of weights on her broad, manly shoulders.
Naturally the athletics world was set a spin by the events. Bolic and her coach, Ms Mann, were summoned to a press conference, which they attended after a shit, shower and shave. It’s fair to say that the two were fairly nonplus about the revelation; they were East German after all and in that part of the world it wasn’t uncommon for the woman of the family to have bigger balls than the man of the house.
Subsequently the IAAF banned them from the sport and The Stasi (East German Secret Police) managed to erase all the grainy video footage that had existed of the said shiny man plum.
Fast forward 30 years and The Saffas are threatening to start World War Three if something similar happens to Semenya. Quite how they’re going to do that is unclear, but I think it’s fair to assume that coming from a country that is rapidly self imploding we don’t have too much to worry about. They can’t even agree on the racial make up of their sporting teams so I can’t really see them organising a continent conquering army, even if they are made up of muscular lady man ladies.
Maybe they could enlist the services of women of other nationalities, like the nine Turkish girls who were fooled into thinking they were taking part in a Big Brother type show. After two months of no evictions the penny dropped and they raised the alarm.
The hoax was discovered to be just that and the girls were finally freed from the ordeal that is a 24 / 7 pool side pyjama party. Subsequently the girls have become world famous overnight which you can’t help but think was the end result they were after, wasn’t it?
The organisers of it all are now under arrest and facing charges but you have to wonder what part gullibility and the desire to be famous played in it all. I mean really, what did the girls expect when they signed up for a something called ‘Someone Is Watching You’ and where it was going to be females only living in a house full of cameras? And why did they wait two months before the alarm bells started ringing?
Sadly, just like the Ana Bolic incident, all footage of the said nine young women has been erased. Or at least placed somewhere Mr Google can’t find it and trust me, I’ve looked.
But then that’s life today isn’t it. Everyone is out to be world famous for something, even members of the fairer sex. Whether it is having inverted testes or having your bikini clad image broadcast to horny Captain Kirks on their cellphones.
Yep, women are indeed strange creatures.
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