Okay, 18 if you count full pubes but hey, let’s not stress about the finer details. Naturally I was able to offer the girls many an insight to the pubescent mind, possibly because I still have one and at some point I declared that ‘I would go gay’ for a certain fella which set them right off.
Naturally I had to explain myself and reveal my full list of man love. So here it is. Fellas, find yourself a nice quiet spot, borrow the moisturiser from the missus and keep the tissues handy because you’re going to need them...
Fernando Torres
What a guy, what a footballer. He’s a bit cake right now but on his day he has a first touch that makes me feel like a little girl, he really does. Admittedly Lionel Messi is a better player but he’s an ugly man whereas Fernando has it going on; the freckles, the legs and the casual elegance of a cheetah. Personally I liked his hair longer, would give a fella something to hang on to...
Bear Grylls
Any man who can give himself a dirty water enema can hide my soap on a rope any time he damn well wishes.
Alexander Skarsgaard
The coolest vampire on the block and the best damn Sergeant since Zeke Anderson, Alex is the most exciting Swedish thing we want to be inside since the Volvo. Just look at that torso, somebody get the guy a plaster because he’s cut and get this; the guy doesn’t wear a modesty sock when filming nude scenes. Fuck. Yeah.
David Beckham
I’ve never made it a secret that Becks can bend me any way he likes. I even copied his hairstyle once, possibly twice.
Ryan Reynolds
Is as close to me as it’s gonna get ladies; we’re both ridiculously funny, have great abs and wear a beard well, damn well. So who else would I want to have a tender homosexual experience with than the guy who reminds me of myself?
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