35 Not Out

I must access a different Facebook because for the life of me I don’t understand how shit like this happens:

"A blindfolded sex adventure with a mystery "woman" ended in shock for a young Wellington man – who removed his mask to find a tall man.

The distressed 19-year-old later told police that, until he slipped off the blindfold as he was leaving the eleventh-floor room at the Bolton Hotel in Wellington, he believed his tryst had been with a woman called Sam whom he met on Facebook.

Police investigated and found that the man who hired the room at the five-star hotel on May 17 had been a guest there about 300 times.

Witness statements filed in court said a very upset young man had gone to Wellington Central police station just after 11pm on May 17.

He told police he had met someone on Facebook whom he thought was a woman. They arranged to meet at the hotel and he was to wear a blindfold so he could not see "her" perform a sex act on him. As he was leaving the room he took off the blindfold and discovered "she" was a he.

The next day police also searched the Taupo home where ‘Sam’ lived with his mother. A detective said 21 pairs of mens underpants found in a drawer were in an assorted range of sizes.

In another drawer was a uniformly sized set of underpants. Police also found a green blindfold and what was described in court documents as pornographic publications."

Even DougalMac, the man of notoriously standards made the astute observation that there had to be an awful lot of guys who woke up to this story with a new look at life. And to think they thought ‘Sam’ was a kinky bitch because ‘she’ kept their undies...

Now I know the image of this is not something you or I want to dwell on, much, but I can’t help but question just how this guy fooled so many. For a start there has to be some talking, definitely some touching and I can’t say I’ve had the pleasure, but I’d think I’d know if it was a fella treating my body like an amusement ride. I think.

I guess it comes down to how you see and use Facebook. If you’re prepared to be friends with anyone then I reckon you deserve to be sucked in (and off) by a six foot dude who likes to give mystery blowies.

I don’t even list things like my DOB on Facebook which on one hand is extremely security conscious of me and protects identity theft – cause who wouldn’t want to be this cool aye – but then has the downside of no one knowing that it was my birthday the other day.

Not that I want to go around announcing it but a celebrationary shake of the hand or slap on the bum is always welcomed at work. By me anyway, the girl down the hall is not so keen on it. Imagine then my disappointment upon realising that it was my own anal retentiveness for online security that ruined the chance of friends actually knowing it was my birthday. What a dick.

Still, it could’ve been worse. I remember Coops older sister, who I flatted with for a few years, giving it till about 8.30am on a Saturday birthday before she started calling her mates asking if there was anything they’d forgotten?

So I’m 35 not out. Yay me.

Bruiser remembered. He always remembers.