Only the fashion industry surpasses their movie counterparts for gratuitous self congratulation and yet both are one big inside joke that we common folk don’t get. So you made two, maybe three decent movies in a year? Get over it.
I think things like the Academy Awards should be held every four years, like every other actual celebration of achievement i.e. sports. Because swanning around for three months in makeup speaking the lines someone else has written for you is not something worth celebrating every year, it really isn’t.
But like fashion, it’s the industry built upon the industry that laps this shit up. What would that silly bitch from TV3 do for example, if there were no award ceremonies for her to swan around at pretending she’s on txting terms with the A list? Heaven forbid they might have to replace her slot with something newsworthy.
What would the E Channel do without the source for their endless drivel about who wore what and then did whom? What would Ryan Seacrest do for fucks sake if he didn’t have The Dictator accidentally pouring Kim Jong’s ashes all over his perfect suit? Mind you, I’d tune in to see something like that every year, the highlight of this years ceremony.
What would we do as a nation if our small minds couldn’t get excited about the fact that some NZ company is up for ‘Best Catering’ or something on Tintin? Weta would still win shit but then they’re awesome. Where else would Brett McKenzie get to play the quintessential simple Kiwi boy? Again.
And just on that, why is it that actors continue to perpetuate the whole Muppet myth long after the cameras have stopped rolling? Why do they even buy into it in the first place? We all know they’re puppets, heck even the puppets know they’re fucken puppets, so why pretend they’re great actors or performers and it’s an honour working with them?
But just in case you needed further proof that the whole thing is arse then look no further at the latest post ceremony viral sensation: Angelina Jolie's superimposed right leg everywhere. It’s garnering more interest and hits than the awards themselves. Yep. Somebody is laughing but it ain’t you or me.
One of the most nominated flicks this year was a black and white silent film. That's right, two hours of silence in a room full of people masticating. Least they could have done was coloured the damn thing. But it's a novelty isn't it? No one is going to say a bad thing about it because it dares to be different. It dares to be bold. It proves the industry has run out of ideas is what it is.
Oh and the speeches and the tears and the emotion. Don't you just want someone to break it all up by yelling out "But it's not a real job, you cunt". But they never do.
Like I said, an in joke that none of us are in on.
"Muppets I say. Farken Muppets."
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