Spammers Can't Add.

We all know that the web is no longer a safe place.

Gone are the days when a fella could pretend to be 15 year old boy in a teen chat room just so I, rather he, could get a few kinky undie pics from the 30 year old gay guy pretending to be a 13 year old girl at the other end.

No, people frown on that kind of stuff these days. Spam is a big problem too and the battle to stop our inboxes filling with offers of a 10 inch cock balm is a never ending one.

I clicked on one of those once - who hasn’t aye? -but luckily it was my flatmates work PC. It wasn’t a major though, I had masturbated my way through filling it’s hard drive with porn by that stage so nobody in her ICT department would’ve noticed the extra virus I reckon.

One way websites do this is by getting you till fill in one of those ‘Captcha’ fields where you have to copy words or letters written by a deaf, dumb blind kid with no arms. Or legs. The theory is that because that can’t be done automatically it stops spam.

But today I came across a marked step up in the war against spam, the maths test!


It's like putting your keys in the shoes whilst at the beach, no one can get round that kind of thinking because it's pure genius. We all know spammers can't add so that’ll learn 'em...

The Safety Of The Net

Did you read of the dirty prick that got done this week for attempting to sexually groom a 14 year old girl online?

Only it wasn’t a 14 year old really, it was a NZ Police Detective posing as one and the 45 year old former school teacher polishing his knob at the other end was caught lock, stock and two swelling testicles.

And what a surprise that it was a school teacher involved aye? Then there’s this guy, a Kiwi working in England who likes to stay in touch with his former pupils via Facebook so he can see how they’re doing. Sure he does and hopefully gets them into web cam sessions where he tries to get them naked.

There’s a reason why Facebook automatically locks the accounts of anyone under the age of 18 – and this guy is it. It’s a bit damn scary when teachers tire of trying to get down each other’s pants and decide to try it on our kids instead...

Speaking of Facebook, are you, like me, just sick of seeing new stories about it all over the place that are even remotely interesting? So they've changed their settings, or people cheating on their spouses are being caught in the act. Hey if they're that silly to braodcast it on Facebook so they should get caught. Newsworthy it ain't.

Anyhoo. I applaud this kind of subterfuge by Police the world over. For some reason the internet has become a place where far too many people feel the rules of society no longer apply and they do things that there inner voice would otherwise tell them not to. Like tell a 14 year old girl how to play with herself, ask her for sex 22 times and / or masturbate on Cock Roulette.

I’m even willing to offer my services to the internet Police on this one. I’m prepared to go online and pretend to be a 14 year old boy in order to entrap cougars and young women who might try to groom me for sex.

I’ll fool them into sending me copious amounts of nudie pics on the premise that I’m teaching myself to wank...it won’t be pleasant but I’m prepared to make sacrifices in order to make the world a safe place.

My old P.E teacher, Mr Jackson, likes to see how I'm doing these days too...

How Good Is The Net Aye?!

Did you see the two guys who launched NZs first rocket screaming their tits off the other night? It was pure, unadulterated geek joy, the likes of which we haven’t seen since the advent of the Internet.

Do you ever get sick of the Internet? Have you ever reached the point where it seems like you’ve looked at everything worth looking at? Sure there’s always porn but even that can get a bit predictable. But still, if they took all the porn off the Net I reckon there would only be two sites left, one called ‘Hey, What Happened to the Porn’ and the other ‘Bring Back the Porn’.

There’s always Google. Man you can type anything into that sucker and you’re guaranteed that somewhere, somehow someone has a page about it. I’ve gone off it a bit though; the other day I searched for a photo of farm equipment and it showed me twenty thousand pictures of horse dicks.

Thankfully I’ve stumbled across these sites, which are brilliant.

everything.com

A website where instead of having to look all over the Internet for what you want, it’s all in the one place. This site will effectively end the need for search engines so I can’t actually tell you where it is otherwise Google representatives will kill me in my sleep.

whereaboutsami.com

This is a website where users can write the name of the city and street they are on and it tells them where they are.

whatkindofcoughisthat.com

A website that contains sound files of different coughs. Each cough has a description to allow the user to sound match and determine the kind of cough they have before going to the chemist and buying either dry or wet cough medicine.

yourloungeroom.com

Users of this website can take a photo of their lounge room and upload it to the site. Then it tells them what furniture does not look good.

deceasedlovedones.com

This is a website where you pay a fee to join and are given your own web page with an empty blog. In the event of your death, you can use the page to write a message to your loved ones. Similar setup to prepaid funerals. Your loved ones can either log on and check whether you have left a message for them or can opt to receive an email notifying them when you leave a message.

howdoigettowhereiam.com

This site contains a link to the page you’re currently on.

whichonetowear.com

Users of this website can take photos of themselves wearing every combination of every article of clothing they own then upload the images to a user database. Every day, instead of trying on clothing, you can choose an outfit by simply viewing their choices online.

armbook.com

Similar to Facebook but people upload photos of their arms.

uploadyourscreen.com

A website where you can take a screenshot of your computer screen and upload it so that when you are looking at porn and the boss walks past you can type in the link and go to it instead.

amihavingaheartattack.com

A website for people having a heart attack.