We might be on holiday in the middle of the wops but its been hard to miss the Obama magic show on TV. Honestly it's been so incredibly intense that I'm genuinely surprised that those who were watching didn't die of excitement.
Yes the guy finally got inaugurated. Yes it's a momentous day in America's history because he's bleeck. Yes I woke this morning with a hard on at the thought of it but now I am well and truly over it. The whole Obama thing has been gagging on for months now. It all reminds me of a three hour movie that just goes on and farken on. Like Lord of the Rings, which to my surprise ended with actually no ending, meaning you had to wait two years for the next one. I would've known that of course had I read the books in my teens, but I didn't. I was out partying and getting laid. Because I was cool.
Obama is cool. That's why he is so popular. Che Guevara cool. Only without the goatee beard that Che cultivated. My god Che was cool wasn't he? The world is full of metrosexuals today who pay shitloads to look as cool as Che did but don't quite cut it because ultimately they pay some poof to create their look for them where as Che had no choice but to grow his - the man was on the run living and shitting in the jungle without water, or a razor. Now that's necessity cool. His politics weren't so cool but the beard and the beret look great on a tee shirt. Obama looks great on a tee shirt too and everyone digs his politics. Now that's real cool.
That's where Adolf went wrong I think, he neglected his tee shirt market. All those millions moshing at Nuremberg and not one concert tee shirt to be found. He could have had the Blitzkrieg Tour Edition, with all the dates he conquered countries on the back. Not to mention the Death To Juden tour of Europe. All that cash from tees could have helped pay for research into new technologies that might have come up with some super weapon to help him win the war. Like flying tanks.
Obama is cool in a country where traditionally all the nerds who weren't cool, leave college, become politicians and pass legislation to punish the cool guys they longed to be like. They make rules like banning the use of marijuana just so as to piss the cool guys off. I reckon Obama was more likely to have transcended both genres at college. He would've been in with the nerdy guys because he was smart, but in with the cool at the same time because he was good looking and bleeck. Which is a magnet for chicks who long to see if he fit's the stereotype of good looking black men; that he's hung like a rogue bull.
Now Obama has said some very inspiring things about the global meltdown that is the economy and just how America will face it, so inspiring that I suspect that the sun may actually shine from his arse. Whether or not it will do any good is the problem though because it could be that the global recession is bigger than just one man. But hey, full credit to Obama for being the right guy at the right time and for America finally doing something right since ages ago, by voting for the dude in the first place. Who knows, maybe a leopard (America) can change it's spots after all.
A day into his tenure and already Obama has sent a very clear message. He's passed legislation that will ensure his government is one elected by and to serve the people and made it pretty clear that the usual mutual reach around with big business that has happened up till now is to stop. That means there will be a lot of pissed of lobbyists and conglomerates out there or can no longer count on the obscene amounts of money they used to make from the golden goose that is the American presidency. Its a bold move and one long overdue. I applaud Obama for making it his first task because it sets the bar, but I can't help but feel the line of rednecks, survivalists and would be assassins just got a bit longer.
Speaking of bleeck guys, albeit not so cool ones, I encountered one the other day in what is to date, the highlight of our trip north so far. There I was, sitting outside a cafe enjoying a cup of warm milk and water that just about had passed itself off as a coffee when I happened to glance - just glance mind you - at the kind of spectacularly tattooed individual that gives gangs a bad name, walking past pushing a pushbike. As he passed he launched into some fantastic conversation starter that was almost illegible but I was able to pick out the following phrases; 'fucken', 'ballhead' 'smash you up' and 'you cunt'.
I thought perhaps he had tourettes and almost paid him no attention. But being a full trained ninja and having served three consecutive tours in Nam I never miss anything. Even at night these days I still sleep with all three eyes open and the safeties off, so it dawned on me that perhaps his tirade was aimed at me, given that I am quite possibly the only Caucasian in town presently. Apart from Bruiser, but he's a lovely shade of pink at the moment.
My wife confirmed my suspicions. It seems our mate - he off the penile dwarfism and a Mensa mental disposition - can add legal blindness to his list of ailments. He had mistaken me for a skin head despite my having a full head of hair (that admittedly if I style a certain way does look a little like a minge) and a beard that looks almost as cool as Che Guevara’s.
Almost, but not quite.
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