With a headline like ‘Bids for student's virginity hit $6.7m’ you know that I’m not going to let this story pass without comment. If ever there was a worthy cause for the boys in the office to have a whip round for, this would be it!
The story, despite the titillating headline and being a boy’s wet dream, makes for some pretty sad reading really. Natalie Dylan – not her real name by the way – a 22-year-old Masters student, came up with the idea after her sister paid for her own degree by working as a prostitute for three weeks. So she comes from good stock, obviously. Natalie has a degree in Women's Studies and is studying for a master’s degree in Family and Marriage Therapy.
How many troubled marriages are going to want to go and have a consultation with the bird who sold her virginity online I wonder? Husbands will, obviously. That’s possibly why the marriage is in trouble in the first place but I can’t imagine many disgruntled wives are going to be so shit hot over the idea. How many families are going to want their troubled teenage girls to have some alone time with Ms Chastity? Teenage boys on the other hand will be going emo by the thousands just to meet her.
Dylan reckons she’s alright with the auction because "I feel empowered because I am being pro-choice with my body." The career limiting prospects of feeling so empowered seem to have escaped her but hey, this is the States we’re talking about, if the Family and Marriage Therapy falls through there’s always a career in porn.
Dylan is running the auction through the Moonlite Bunny Ranch's website, a legalised brothel in Nevada whose telephone number ends in 3825, which spells out F-U-C-K on a telephone pad. If that doesn’t tell you all you need to know about the place then wait, there’s more. Upon entering the website – the things I do for research – you’re greeted with the news and pictures that Eric the Midget partied hard over New Years with Air Force Amy, one of the Ranch’s finest and that Pregnant Bunny, despite being heavily pregnant, is available for work and is yum!
The Ranch owner, Denis Hof, is to receive half of the winning bid. A clever bit of marketing that, but it wouldn’t be the first time; In June 2003, Hof promised that the first 50 servicemen who showed up at his brothel after returning from the Iraq war would get a free root. For another 50 days after that, all returning servicemen would receive a 50% discount.
I can only imagine how chuffed Ranch regulars like Air Force Amy, Sunny Lane and Foxy Rexy were to learn that 50 blue balled servicemen with post traumatic stress disorder and anger management issues would be lined up at the door the next morning. The connection with Dylan and the Ranch is that her sister worked there two years ago, whilst raising money for her degree. With that kind of history to date maybe Moonlite could apply to the Nevada government to get the same sort of allowance that other tertiary institutions get?
The act of deflowering will be of course, consummated at the ranch. But even that isn’t all that it seems. Dylan has retained the right to reject the winner of the auction and pick another bidder, one who she has ‘chemistry’ with. So even if you were the type of guy who has millions to spare and the drive to take the cherry of some young woman who clearly has self esteem issues, there’s a good chance your money will count for nout. But hey, stiff shit. Nobody ever offered me money to take my virginity, infact if truth be told the girl that did probably would’ve liked to have been paid for my wasting of her time. But then that’s another story..
How this freak show ends is anybodies guess but if it doesn’t turn out to be a well orchestrated PR exercise then it’s going to end in disappointment for some dude who has far too much money for his own good – because going by the pictures I’ve seen of Dylan, I don’t think he’ll be her first. She does admit to having had oral sex but in this day and age even the Brethren will tell you ‘oral is moral’.
I wonder if Eric the Midget had to pay full price….?
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