Shit in my mouth, when did we get rid of Sparkles?
2008, apparently. That’s when the last run was made of one of the best boiled lollies of all time. Snifters are gone too, as are Tangy Fruits which were not only the best thing to suck on at a movie (other than your girlfriend), but made the best projectile for when the onscreen action got a little slow.
The reason for their premature retirement was lack of demand, which is a goddamn lie because there is always at least one prick I want to throw something hard at when watching a movie...
I only found this out the other day whilst mursing Junior who was home with the spews. Eating was not an option for the young fella but sucking on a sweetie was so off to the corner dairy we trundled. Well, we drove. Who walks anywhere these days aye?
Dairies, like servo’s, have become the biggest rip off merchants in town. Once upon a time you could send a kid down to the local shop with a lady godiver (fiver) and it would take them a week to spend it all, but not anymore.
Now I didn’t do a lot in my 5th Form economics class other than wind up our four foot two, flared trousers wearing teacher - the short, backward square Mr Moriaty. But I did pick up that if you sold many more of the same items, only slightly cheaper, than your competition, you’d make the most money. Maybe they don’t teach that in Bombay schools.
Still, there is a sense of comfort that comes with knowing the corner dairy is still the only place where the lady behind the counter will use the same hand to take your cash, wipe her nose, whack hubby off and pass you the unwrapped liquorice strap you just bought.
So imagine my surprise when she told me that they no longer make Sparkles. I stood there dumbfounded amongst the crappy, tasteless, gelatine based candy and wondered just which shitty, foul tasting, rubber based lolly from Guatemala I’d have to buy in its place.
Junior, who was just gagging to get out of the place, quite literally, picked up on a pack of Cola flavoured Mentos. Sure, Mentos is a fine suckle, in its own right, but it’s a sad, sad day when cola flavoured mints have to take the place of Sparkles. Which were the most popular off all the lollies given to Grand kids by Grandparents back in the day.
Anyhoo, they helped do the trick and he’s back at school this week, just in time to complete the 4km cross country run that every kid has been forced to prepare for this term. What is it with schools these days and their incessant need to force exercise amongst the student faculty? It seems as if the ClubDes brethren spend half of their school life’s running or jumping.
Which would be great if they were fatties and were that the case I’d be totally behind the movement if they were, but neither is. My two are about as likely to become morbidly obese in the next few years as I am and I can’t help but wonder what the teachers are doing all this time their students are running? Surfing and saving pornographic images I bet.
So maybe we should give the skinny kids a rest, bring back Sparkles and give them a handful to eat. Because no one ever got fat eating Sparkles.
2008, apparently. That’s when the last run was made of one of the best boiled lollies of all time. Snifters are gone too, as are Tangy Fruits which were not only the best thing to suck on at a movie (other than your girlfriend), but made the best projectile for when the onscreen action got a little slow.
The reason for their premature retirement was lack of demand, which is a goddamn lie because there is always at least one prick I want to throw something hard at when watching a movie...
I only found this out the other day whilst mursing Junior who was home with the spews. Eating was not an option for the young fella but sucking on a sweetie was so off to the corner dairy we trundled. Well, we drove. Who walks anywhere these days aye?
Dairies, like servo’s, have become the biggest rip off merchants in town. Once upon a time you could send a kid down to the local shop with a lady godiver (fiver) and it would take them a week to spend it all, but not anymore.
Now I didn’t do a lot in my 5th Form economics class other than wind up our four foot two, flared trousers wearing teacher - the short, backward square Mr Moriaty. But I did pick up that if you sold many more of the same items, only slightly cheaper, than your competition, you’d make the most money. Maybe they don’t teach that in Bombay schools.
Still, there is a sense of comfort that comes with knowing the corner dairy is still the only place where the lady behind the counter will use the same hand to take your cash, wipe her nose, whack hubby off and pass you the unwrapped liquorice strap you just bought.
So imagine my surprise when she told me that they no longer make Sparkles. I stood there dumbfounded amongst the crappy, tasteless, gelatine based candy and wondered just which shitty, foul tasting, rubber based lolly from Guatemala I’d have to buy in its place.
Junior, who was just gagging to get out of the place, quite literally, picked up on a pack of Cola flavoured Mentos. Sure, Mentos is a fine suckle, in its own right, but it’s a sad, sad day when cola flavoured mints have to take the place of Sparkles. Which were the most popular off all the lollies given to Grand kids by Grandparents back in the day.
Anyhoo, they helped do the trick and he’s back at school this week, just in time to complete the 4km cross country run that every kid has been forced to prepare for this term. What is it with schools these days and their incessant need to force exercise amongst the student faculty? It seems as if the ClubDes brethren spend half of their school life’s running or jumping.
Which would be great if they were fatties and were that the case I’d be totally behind the movement if they were, but neither is. My two are about as likely to become morbidly obese in the next few years as I am and I can’t help but wonder what the teachers are doing all this time their students are running? Surfing and saving pornographic images I bet.
So maybe we should give the skinny kids a rest, bring back Sparkles and give them a handful to eat. Because no one ever got fat eating Sparkles.
The departed.
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