What is it about top some athletes and their outfit choices aye?
Maybe it’s the enhanced levels of adrenaline or testosterone that cause complete lack of judgement. Maybe it’s at the insistence of the sweat factory sporting label that they are contracted to. Maybe it’s just that they spent their formative years developing sporting prowess and not sense. Maybe they’re just fucked in the head? Who knows?
Venus Willams – not to be confused with her brother Serena – unleashed the latest shocker this week with ‘flesh’ coloured undies. Not ‘flesh’ as in Caucasian, no Michele Obama made that mistake a few weeks back when she wore a ‘flesh’ coloured gown to some knees up only it was whitey flesh, not darkie, so was it really ‘flesh’ some asked?
It was fucken beige, that’s what it was. Just as Venus’ grundies were poo brown. Neither are any more skin coloured than is the dirty black atomic wedgie number she’s wearing under them. Now that is truly shocking.
But if you needed more proof that this type of decision is made because the drugs don’t work then read Venus’s reason for wearing them:
"The outfit was about illusion, and that's been a lot of my motif this year, illusion".
All I can say is aren't you glad it wasn't Serena photogrpahed wearing such tightie brownies? Then we really would have seen the smuggled budgie wouldn't we....?
Meanwhile over at the World Cup next month the world’s foremost exponents of the beautiful game will be wearing jellies on their feet. Yes jellies. The same brightly coloured plastic numbers your sister wore and that you borrowed occasionally when dressing in her clothes when you thought the family was out for ages only they weren’t, they came back early and caught you.
When I was a boy there was only one boot colour and it was black. Not skin coloured black but black as a black man’s cape and they did the business. These days football boots are as fruity as some of the guys wearing them and shit is starting to get ridiculous; not only do we now have fluorescent greens, yellows and oranges, but combinations of all three.
Which look great if your tiedyed socks match, but they don’t. So Christiano Ronaldo will spend his pitch time poncing around in purple and orange boots whilst wearing green socks. Would he leave the house in just such a combo? Well, probably. Bad example.
It’s all marketing of course. You might think the World Cup is about Brazil vs. Spain, or Argentina vs. The Dutchies, but it’s not really. Its Adidas vs Nike in a battle to see who can flog as many pairs of their overpriced boots as quickly as the tiny little underpaid hands in the sweat factories can make them.
Another day in the Nike factory, another dollar. Literally.
But I wonder where it will all end? How long before we see boots that flash like a set of Christmas lights, or change colour depending on temperature, moisture or after impact? Maybe we’ll see mood boots that change according to the feelings of the player wearing them. Thus Ronaldo’s will always be purple because he’s a poof.
Or maybe we’ll go back to bleeck and not just because it’s retro but because no one really gives a fuck about multi coloured jellies, no matter who’s wearing them.
Except your mother, that day she came home early to find you wearing some, as well as your sister’s underwear...
Maybe it’s the enhanced levels of adrenaline or testosterone that cause complete lack of judgement. Maybe it’s at the insistence of the sweat factory sporting label that they are contracted to. Maybe it’s just that they spent their formative years developing sporting prowess and not sense. Maybe they’re just fucked in the head? Who knows?
Venus Willams – not to be confused with her brother Serena – unleashed the latest shocker this week with ‘flesh’ coloured undies. Not ‘flesh’ as in Caucasian, no Michele Obama made that mistake a few weeks back when she wore a ‘flesh’ coloured gown to some knees up only it was whitey flesh, not darkie, so was it really ‘flesh’ some asked?
It was fucken beige, that’s what it was. Just as Venus’ grundies were poo brown. Neither are any more skin coloured than is the dirty black atomic wedgie number she’s wearing under them. Now that is truly shocking.
But if you needed more proof that this type of decision is made because the drugs don’t work then read Venus’s reason for wearing them:
"The outfit was about illusion, and that's been a lot of my motif this year, illusion".
All I can say is aren't you glad it wasn't Serena photogrpahed wearing such tightie brownies? Then we really would have seen the smuggled budgie wouldn't we....?
Meanwhile over at the World Cup next month the world’s foremost exponents of the beautiful game will be wearing jellies on their feet. Yes jellies. The same brightly coloured plastic numbers your sister wore and that you borrowed occasionally when dressing in her clothes when you thought the family was out for ages only they weren’t, they came back early and caught you.
When I was a boy there was only one boot colour and it was black. Not skin coloured black but black as a black man’s cape and they did the business. These days football boots are as fruity as some of the guys wearing them and shit is starting to get ridiculous; not only do we now have fluorescent greens, yellows and oranges, but combinations of all three.
Which look great if your tiedyed socks match, but they don’t. So Christiano Ronaldo will spend his pitch time poncing around in purple and orange boots whilst wearing green socks. Would he leave the house in just such a combo? Well, probably. Bad example.
It’s all marketing of course. You might think the World Cup is about Brazil vs. Spain, or Argentina vs. The Dutchies, but it’s not really. Its Adidas vs Nike in a battle to see who can flog as many pairs of their overpriced boots as quickly as the tiny little underpaid hands in the sweat factories can make them.
Another day in the Nike factory, another dollar. Literally.
But I wonder where it will all end? How long before we see boots that flash like a set of Christmas lights, or change colour depending on temperature, moisture or after impact? Maybe we’ll see mood boots that change according to the feelings of the player wearing them. Thus Ronaldo’s will always be purple because he’s a poof.
Or maybe we’ll go back to bleeck and not just because it’s retro but because no one really gives a fuck about multi coloured jellies, no matter who’s wearing them.
Except your mother, that day she came home early to find you wearing some, as well as your sister’s underwear...
Dont hate because Im new age
ReplyDeleteDearest BJ,
ReplyDeleteYour jellies are marginal. Purple yes, but not tie dyed purple and orange.
You may be excused from my rant.
As you were, bright eyes.