The world we live in is a very peculiar place isn’t it?
A 16 year old girl can sail single handed around the world only for it not to count on a technicality. Bummer. Personally I was hoping she would die in a fiery auto crash whilst at sea because all this rubbish to be the ‘youngest ever’ at anything is just that. And we wonder just why it is our kids are having sex earlier than ever before...?
Maybe it’s the salty sea air or sand in the bits but there’s even crazy talk of someone making a movie about the whole thing. Please don’t. We all know how it ends, just as we did with the Titanic yet somehow James Cameron squeezed three hours that we’ll never get back out of it.
We now live in a world where more than ever it’s easier to communicate with each other but yet we still think that the same old bullshit excuses will work when we just can’t be arsed. How many times have you to use the following rhetorical questions on someone who hasn’t given a damn; Did you get my text? Did you get my email? Did you get my voice mail message I left?
Likewise, social networking has made it super easy for the people you spent the last 20 years trying to avoid, track you the fuck down. You can friend someone but decide not to show them everything, thus defeating the purpose of the whole exercise. Its ‘friendship’, but on your terms.
I have an ‘all or nothing’ attitude with it. I always have, dating right back to my college days where if I didn’t like someone I made it crystal clear to them, providing they were not in a position to break me. Physically. I could never understand why we all made small talk and shit with someone if deep down we couldn’t actually stand the perp.
Besides, I had more important things to worry about like just how I could con Nat D into letting me feel her boob. A task made even the harder given the two of us had never spoken to each other in three years.
This time may have coincided with the period of my high school life where I proceeded to listen to the same three track Rage Against the Machine cassingle day and night. But I can’t be sure; I spent most of that time very angry at something...
This inevitably led to falling out between me and good mates, like Coops. We were both head strong young men and although he was built like a Greek Adonis it was I that was hung like a rogue bull, so naturally we envied each other as only two straight guys can.
Yes we fought, but the makeup sex was well worth it.
But it wasn’t just me. Coops and Connors, another behemoth of a boy at that stage, were always rarking each other up something chronic. In a classic encounter that the three of us still laugh about to this very day, the two of them had a long running verbal stoush that ended up in some very homo erotic wrestling in the hallway.
Maybe it was just me but there’s something very alluring about two boys wedging each other dangerously high in school boy shorts...
Coops had started calling Connors an ‘Aussie Bumfucker’ on the grounds that he was Australian, whilst in retort he had called Coops ‘Mr Kungfu Man’, on account of Coops liking a bit of martial arts action. It was a name calling mismatch of epic proportions but highly amusing all the same.
Bruiser, so called because he was always getting into fights, hardly had a bad word to say about anyone but there was just something about the look of him that pissed people off. Personally I’ve never seen it but then I wouldn’t; I always try to imagine everyone around me naked in black gold top socks.
Now that would make the world a peculiar place.
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