I Love You, Man

I don’t know about you lot, especially the ladies, but this much fussed over photo of Corporal Willie Apiata just gets my dick hard and not in a gay way, because I am straight.

I love this picture. So much so that it’s going straight into my big book of ‘Men That Make Me Feel Like a Little Girl’.

Maybe it’s the Vietnam vet in me but seeing soldiers looking right hard just gets me all moist with good memories. The government might be pissed because this picture got published but you can bet Willie himself will be quietly stoked, if ever there was a Facebook profile pic you always wanted to have amongst all the OE photos you’ve taken then this is it.

And as for making his mission all the more dangerous I ask you, is the kind of guy you would want to mess with having seen this photo? Fuck. No.

There is so much happening in this pic that it may be a little too much for the untrained eye, like yours, to see it all. Luckily I can pick it like a broken nose. Take for instance the open door on the APC behind Willie and his wingman which just screams “we might be in Afghanistan but we aren’t locking our ride for any of you fuckers. If you want to come and try and steal it then be our guest...”

I would try it on, but only so as to have my arse handed to me by Willie, but not in a gay way because I am straight.

Willie is also not wearing a helmet which just says to Osama and his lady boys “I know you poofs have snipers everywhere but I reckon you couldn’t hit the side of a barn so do your best. But just know that when you miss, I’m pointing my peace maker in your direction and pulling the trigger until it goes click, muthafucka”.

Even if a rag head did get a round on target I reckon the beard would stop it. Now I’ve seen a lot of action, having served three tours in Nam and I know when a man in the line of fire grows a beard like that then shit has gone feral. That look says to me that Willie and his men are sleeping with all three eyes open and the safeties off.

His mate might have the sharkies on but not our Willie. This also says to ‘Stan “It might be as bright as fifty bastards in this godforsaken country of yours but I like to look long and hard into the eyes of the men I skin alive with my bayonet.”

I also like the way he’s holding his rifle, halfway between ‘bad ass’ and ‘bad ass mofo’. If I was gay, which I’m not, I would definitely sleep with Corporal Apiata. Like if had to sleep with a man or the kidnappers would kill my whole family then I’d pick Willie.

I love you, man.