It is, hands down, the gayest cooking show produced in this country since Hudson and Hall. I watch it only because it’s sandwiched between two of my guilty pleasures, TV wise, Tabitha’s Salon Takeover and Project Runway. But more on those in a later blog...
The title itself is a complete misnomer; this is not a show about sexy people baking, far from it. In fact the only two contestants with anything going for them looks wise – the blonde with the very cool tattooed sleeve and the dump-me-and-I’ll-stalk-you redhead – were the first two eliminated. If the show was true to its title that should have been the end of it, but it wasn’t.
Several weeks on and we are left with a couple of real mingers; the frighteningly mannish Courtney, the drugged, almost catatonic Toni and the man moutain that is Emma, who is somewhere in between the two. Perhaps that’s why they’ve become so proficient in baking – society has shunned them into hiding in the kitchen.
The real star of the show, or villain, depending on which side of Poo Bay you drop your anchor, is Grayson Coutts, son of world renowned yachtie Russell. When he’s not baking, Grayson is a makeup artist. Oh how proud Russell must be of his son right now, baking brownies whilst he’s off playing with seamen in a boat somewhere. Freud would have a field day with that family dynamic, I’m sure.
Not that being camper than a row of tents is the thing that irks about Grayson. Were that just it then we heterosexual men would quite happily watch his firm, but gentle hands craft his culinary masterpieces whilst clad in one of his many tight fitting wife beaters.
There is however, the small matter of host Colin Mathura-Jeffree and his none too subtle desire to butter Graysons baking ring. Needless to say the sexual tension between the two leads to more in-your-end-o than my mate KB has to put up with being the only girl in her sausage fest of a workplace.
It all adds up to quite possibly the worst hour on TV right now but it’s like a train wreck, you just have to keep watching to see how bad it will get.
Like my good mate Bruiser, who is not one to turn down a good rimming, but the Grayson & Colin show is too much even for a happily married man like he. It works him up to such a state each time it’s on that he has to watch some very disturbing German porn immediately afterwards, just to calm him down.
Thankfully last night’s episode saw the elimination of Grayson Coutts, much to Colin’s disappointment and our relief. Now the two can go off and pack some fudge together and leave the baking to the ugly girls.
Just the way it should be.
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