You’d never catch us ninjas doing that. Let’s face it, you’d never catch us ninjas full stop. For instance look around the room you’re sitting in, there are three ninjas hiding there right now. Can’t see them? Told you.MMA for the uninitiated is a competition that brings all the popular martial arts together in one massive knock down throw down. It’s a Jean Claude Van Damme movie without the bad acting and slow mo spin kicks. It’s primal and most of the time brutal and just like boxing that’s what makes it so popular.
The fighters are not your standard pin up variety; they’re tough, full of sinew and almost to a man sport broken noses. The women are not much better except that is for Gina Carano who can, quite frankly, beat the shit out of me anytime she wants. You may recognise her from American Gladiators, I recognise her from the many ‘wife beats husband’ fantasies I’ve had involving her.
Now I know a thing or two about martial arts. Aside from the whole ninja thing Coops and I used to partake in a spot of it back in the day. He was quite good; I just liked the outfit and the weapons. Mostly just the outfit.
We had a ‘sensei’ and I do use the term loosely, who reckoned he attended many a MMA type event, a ‘fight to the death’ kind of thing. I won’t name him because he still kicks about today and is and always has been a complete nutter. Whilst I would eliminate him were it to come to him seeking me out there is always that element of the unknown when dealing with a mad man.
He used to ‘go’ to these tournaments and we’d not see him for a fortnight. Upon his return, unscathed it should be noted, he would regale us of just how far he got in the tournament – semi finals usually – and just how brutal it was. Something I could never understand though was if it really was a ‘death match’ competition, how he always survived despite not being the winner? Alarm bells, as they say, were ringing.
Of course, we had our suspicions that he’d not been to such a competition at all and had actually been staying down at his parent’s rural retreat in Nelson. We suspected this but never said anything because we were only 16 and clearly idol worshiped the man. Not to mention he was a screw loose, with easy access to weapons.
Needless to say that story, like MMA bouts, had a predictable ending; gradually we got too old for the bollocks of it all and moved on. Luckily for him there was a whole bunch of teenage boys afterwards that took our place and there always will be. MMA might be cool when you’re young, dum and full of cum, but to everyone else, it’s just boring.
Oh and those who think they’re ninjas stuff it up for those of us that actually are. Three in your room remember…
Gina can smack this bitch up any time she wants...
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