The Road Trip

My sister and I are planning a road trip to see our Grandmother, god bless her.

Given that we haven’t had such a joint excursion since our adolescence it’s fair to say a few things have changed from when our only worry was who got the bigger slice of the backseat…

From: Trish
Sent: Thursday, 21 July 2011 11:01
To: ClubDes
Subject: RE:

Will leave around 9 or 10 Saturday then Head home around 2 on Sunday depending on how things go. Did you want a ride?

From: ClubDes
Sent: Thursday, 21 July 2011 11:11 a.m.
To: Trish
Subject: RE:

Possibly. First I require you to answer these suitability questions and take your time because my choosing you as a preferred transportation partner may depend on your answers:

1. What kind of car do you have?
2. Will there be smoking in said vehicle?
3. Will you be playing some indie music rubbish like Artic Monkeys the whole way?
4. What’s the rule on toilet stops i.e. none so bring an empty Coke bottle
5. Is the mooning of other cars / hitch hikers from the backseat permitted?
6. Can I drive?

From: Trish
Sent: Thursday, 21 July 2011 11:26
To: ClubDes
Subject: RE:

1. We have a little Nissan hatch back you saw it when we where at granddads funeral.
2. I am happy to not smoke in the car for you however that will require 1 perhaps 2 smoke stops.
3. Mike is a music snob and so will be DJ for the trip he may if you’re nice let you give him suggestions on what he wants to play but he will override any unacceptable choices.
4. We can stop for the Loo when ever.
5. You can moon who you like as long as it’s not me.
6. No you can not drive.

From: ClubDes
Sent: Thursday, 21 July 2011 11:36 a.m.
To: Trish
Subject: RE:

Interesting. Allow me to retort:

1. That sounds far too tight a fit for my liking. Where do you expect to sit all the female hitchhikers that I will demand you stop and pick up?
2. No toilet stops no smoko stops. See Q4.
3. Whatever. Make sure mike packs his headphones then cause I aint listening and besides, the driver dictates the music. See Q6.
4. This was rhetorical question. I’m bringing an empty coke bottle because that’s how I roll.
5. Hmm. What about other genitals? I do a fantastic ‘drowned rat’ up against glass. Not to mention ‘The Eiffel Tower’ and ‘The Lady’, always a crowd favourite.
6. Again, rhetorical.

From: Trish
Sent: Thursday, 21 July 2011 11:41
To: ClubDes
Subject: RE:

Please bring a funnel to ensure no spillage into said coke bottle.

I am assuming you would like a ride and except my outlined conditions as below, you are welcome to run from the car if you can’t cope.

From: ClubDes
Sent: Thursday, 21 July 2011 12:20
To: Trish
Subject: RE:

No funnel required. My aim is so true I can delabel said Coke bottle from the inside using the concentrated stream of mellow yellow only. It’s the heat you see, it melts the glue holding it on. Back in Nam we’d often use our canteens as hot water bottles after filling them this way. Of course we had to then drink it the next day so as to stop the sloshing which would give a brother away to the keen ears of Charlie…

What are the rules around flatulence? Windows up, or down?

From: Trish
Sent: Thursday, 21 July 2011 12:42
To: ClubDes
Subject: RE:

No rules what ever happens, happens. I for one am planning on having curry on Friday night.

From: ClubDes
Sent: Thursday, 21 July 2011 12:44
To: Trish
Subject: RE:

Correct answer.

I’m in.